An experienced male mentor is working, in a paid relationship with a younger female mentee, helping her to think through her career options, following a breakdown in her personal relationship. The work has proceeded well, with a seemingly good personal rapport between the two parties. At the end of the third meeting -a particularly intense session with a strong emotional component -the mentee says to the mentor: 'I wish I could find someone like you in my life. You seem so caring and understanding and I always feel so good when I'm with you.' Almost immediately, she apologizes for this comment and says that she never meant to say anything 'like that' to him. The mentor is conscious of being flattered by the comment and of having friendly feelings towards her but is concerned now about what this means for their relationship, going forward.

Discussion of case

This case study constitutes a dilemma for the mentor in that it is an intrapersonal and interpersonal one -concerned principally with the relationship and feelings of the two people involved. Some key questions can be raised:

1. How should the mentor work with the mentee now?

2. Should the mentor continue with the relationship?

3. To what extent is it possible to use the situation to support the mentee?

4. What lessons might be taken from this situation?

Notes on case

The answers to these questions do depend on the values of the person answering them. One possible avenue is to ignore or play down the comment and seek to continue with the relationship as though the comment had never been made. For some, such a response would be unethical in de-ontological terms (see above) in that this would be to purposefully deny the feelings of the mentee and their impact, in order to maintain this paid relationship and, perhaps, to perpetuate the positive dysfunctional transference (McAuley, 2003) at the expense of the mentee's well-being. If we consult the literature on coaching and mentoring on such dilemmas, a typical suggestion, as offered by Iordanou etal. (2017), would be to reflect on the contracting processes and reflect on whether boundaries have been appropriately set up and managed within the relationship. Alternatively, following de Haan (2008b), another route is to refer the mentee to someone else. This course of action, however, would probably require the mentor and the mentee to have a conversation about these expressed feelings which may embarrass and damage the mentee emotionally, particularly given that her past challenges have resulted, in part, from a breakdown in her previous relationship. This case also potentiallyraises a tension within Iordanou and colleagues' (2017) distinction between values and ethics. The mentor's personal values might tell him that he should operate in a way that is caring of others, particularly when they are in a fragile state -a dutiful approach to personal values. On the other hand, he may equally feel that by seeking to take action in relation to this dilemma, by engaging in 'good' actions, he, inadvertently, violates those values by withdrawing from the relationship and leaving the mentee vulnerable. Of course, there are other courses of action that the mentor might choose to follow, that is,taking this to supervision, using his own countertransference to help the mentee understand what might be going on for them, and so on.

More advanced questions to promote discussion and thought.

1. What role does power play in considerations of ethics?

2. What are the limits of personal responsibility for ethical issues that manifest themselves at a societal level?

3. How powerful a role does contextplay in these considerations?