The following wordy, inefficient, and disorganized message invites department managers to three interviewing sessions to select...

Transcribed Image Text:

The following wordy, inefficient, and disorganized message invites department managers to three interviewing sessions to select student interns. However, to be effective, this message desperately needs a radical rewrite. Study the message and list at least four weaknesses. Then revise to avoid excessive wordiness and repetition. Also think about how to develop an upbeat tone and improve readability. Reduce this sloppy 15-sentence message to 6 efficient sentences plus a list-and still convey all the necessary information. To: List - Department Managers From: Aaron Alexander Subject: Upcoming Interviews For some time our management team has been thinking about hiring several interns. We decided to offer compensation to the interns in our internship program because in two fields (computer science and information systems) interns are usually paid, which is the norm, However, you may be disappointed to learn that we can offer only three internships. In working with our nearby state university, we have narrowed the field to six excellent candidates. These six candidates will be interviewed. This is to inform you that you are invited to attend three interviewing sessions for these student candidates. Your presence is required at these sessions to help us avoid making poor selections. Mark your calendars for the following three times. The first meeting is May 3 in the conference room. The second meeting is May 5 in Office 22 (the conference room was scheduled). On May 9 we can finish up in the conference room. All of the meetings will start at 2 p.m. In view of the fact that your projects need fresh ideas and talented new team members, I should not have to urge you to attend and be well prepared. Please examine all the candidates' résumés and send me your ranking lists. Aaron Alexander (Full contact information] The following wordy, inefficient, and disorganized message invites department managers to three interviewing sessions to select student interns. However, to be effective, this message desperately needs a radical rewrite. Study the message and list at least four weaknesses. Then revise to avoid excessive wordiness and repetition. Also think about how to develop an upbeat tone and improve readability. Reduce this sloppy 15-sentence message to 6 efficient sentences plus a list-and still convey all the necessary information. To: List - Department Managers From: Aaron Alexander Subject: Upcoming Interviews For some time our management team has been thinking about hiring several interns. We decided to offer compensation to the interns in our internship program because in two fields (computer science and information systems) interns are usually paid, which is the norm, However, you may be disappointed to learn that we can offer only three internships. In working with our nearby state university, we have narrowed the field to six excellent candidates. These six candidates will be interviewed. This is to inform you that you are invited to attend three interviewing sessions for these student candidates. Your presence is required at these sessions to help us avoid making poor selections. Mark your calendars for the following three times. The first meeting is May 3 in the conference room. The second meeting is May 5 in Office 22 (the conference room was scheduled). On May 9 we can finish up in the conference room. All of the meetings will start at 2 p.m. In view of the fact that your projects need fresh ideas and talented new team members, I should not have to urge you to attend and be well prepared. Please examine all the candidates' résumés and send me your ranking lists. Aaron Alexander (Full contact information]