If someone is communicating with you in an unacceptable way, be it face to face, over the phone or in written form, there are steps you can take to try and de-escalate the situation. The following tips aim to help you do this and should always be employed as a first step in the process of managing unacceptable behaviour.
 *Act as a role model for appropriate behaviour.
 *Address the person directly and politely.

 *Slow down the conversation and ask the person to repeat what they said.
 *Give the person honest and constructive feedback, be specific.
 *Ask them to stop behaving in an unacceptable manner and explain that if they don’t you will remove yourself from the situation/end the phone call.
 *When an individual appears to be distraught, employing the following skills may help you to calm them.

Nonverbal listening skills
 *Maintain eye contact.
 *Keep your facial expression neutral.
* Ensure your body language is professional but open.
 *Keep a level tone of voice.
 *Talk at a steady pace, avoid rushing.
Verbal listening skills
 *Ask open, relevant questions.
 *Paraphrase what they have said to show you are listening.
If the individual’s unacceptable behaviour continues, repeat your request for them to stop and let them know you will take the matter further. If the situation is escalating face to face and you need assistance, find a colleague to support you as soon as possible. If you feel at all under threat, remove yourself from the situation immediately and put a distance between yourself and the individual involved. You must also consider calling the police if you believe the threat to you or others may be severe.
Written incidents
 *Take your time reading through the email or letter.
 *Pick out the points that need responding to and the evidence of unacceptable behaviour.
 *Consider whether it would be more constructive to call the individual to discuss their email or letter, and employ the skills listed for verbal incidents.
* If you choose to write back, be clear and polite, acknowledge their concerns.
* Highlight where you believe their behaviour has breached our Respect Charter and include a copy if appropriate.

 *Ask them to treat you respectfully and explain that if they don’t, you may have to refuse to communicate with them.
 *Talk to your RCN supervising officer/senior officer for further advice on handling the situation.

Recovering from incidents
* Incidents of unacceptable behaviour can have a substantial impact on our accredited representatives, their well-being, productivity, and their relationships with our members.
 *If you are affected by an incident, you are encouraged to seek support to reflect on and recover from what took place. Talk to your relevant RCN supervising officer/senior officer. They will offer guidance on recording and reporting the incident, and explore what further support you may need.

1.What do you think of the idea of a written set of guidelines on managing unacceptable behaviour?

Would you recommend similar guidelines for universities?

2.In what ways can you relate this case study to your reading of perception and communication?

3.How well do you believe you could handle and de-escalate a challenging situation?