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Essay: To look at me, you would probably think that I was a shy, quiet kid who seemed to keep to myself. I would not raise any eyebrows or cause any stares. However, not everything is what meets the eye. Although during the day I am that mild mannered, introverted person, at night a complete change occurs. It is almost as though an alter ego emerges, one who does not care what others think, is free of judgement, and where I can truly be myself. I grab my guitar and join my friends for band practice. I rock out, putting it all out there through my musical talent. Being part of a heavy metal band is something that I am extremely passionate about,yet struggle with at the same time.

Growing up in a predominantly Jewish community, I never really gave much thought to the idea of being Jewish or what it even meant to be a Jew. I just simply was one. My family was, my friends were, my parent's friends were, and it seemed that everyone I knew was Jewish. As mentioned in the article, Who We're Connected To Is Part of Who We Are Culture Defined, "Within a culture, beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors are both taught explicitly and learned implicitly". This was certainly the case with me, as my subculture drew me together in a variety of ways. I celebrated holidays with friends and family because we all recognized and observed these sacred times. Everyone shared a common belief in God, in the religion, and in the culture that it represented. I spent my school year immersed in Judaism, and then shipped off for summers to an all Jewish sleep away camp, cementing and celebrating my friendships with other campers. I felt safe, connected, and a part of a bigger purpose. However, as a member of this religious group, my parents were not supportive or happy about my passion for being in a heavy metal band, (finding the musical content almost sacrilegious), and thinking about pursuing music as a career. As everyone before me, and probably after me as well, the path to happiness could only be found by getting a four year education, going to college, and getting a job. As yet another attempt to facilitate a compromise, my Rabbi encouraged me to think about joining the synagogue choir. He explained how I could still enjoy music but doing so through a spiritually guided route, instead of one as horrific as heavy metal. My parents were on board as well and thought I could satisfy my thirst for music in that capacity. However, that was not at all an acceptable compromise to me. I wanted to compose music, write lyrics, perform, and do so with heavy metal. Again, that was not something that my Rabbi or parents wanted to hear.

Both of my parents attended college. My grandparents attended college. I think every parent of every friend that I had also went to college. I listened to stories about how my parents met at college, about the amazing experiences and the memories, but felt somewhat disconnected and unsure as to whether or not that was my path. It was not even an option to not attend. I met with my spiritual leader, my Rabbi, and discussed my thoughts. Why couldn't I try to make it in the music industry? What would happen if I simply played at local bars until I got signed by a record label? I was met with stern glances, and the explanation that in the Jewish religion, it is the responsibility of the father to ensure a career path for a son. Therefore, almost from birth it had never been a question about if I would attend; rather only about where I would attend. It seemed as though my entire subculture agreed with this thought process, as all of my friends were brought up the same exact way. According to the article Who We're Connected To Is Part of Who We Are Culture Defined, "Sometimes, a person is a member of two subcultures that are in tension with one another".

In the end, my parents won. I agreed to forgo music and focus on getting my four year college degree. I enrolled in college, and began my academic journey. I know that in doing so, I made my Rabbi, parents, family and friends very happy. I cannot lie and say that I am unhappy with my choice either. I do like college and am embracing the experience. As for my bandmates, they understood and told me that I could still write, compose and collaborate with them whenever I wanted The only downfall is that I could not perform. In retrospect, I realize that the two subcultures that I was a part of were not easy to merge. Neither was very open or understanding of the other, and yet, I fit in perfectly with both. Again, you cannot judge a book by its cover. As I sit quietly in class, raising my hand occasionally to participate, there still lives a raging, screaming musician, waiting to perform again.

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