Thomas MassariWe’ve all been in one of those situations where a friend or someone we hold dear asks us for an awkward favor that would put us in a compromised position. For the five seconds, you have to decide, you bargain with your own consciousness as to what to do. I mean, I could do it, but it would be really awkward for me if I did it. Separated from it, we all like to say that we would help a friend in need, but would you really? Take this questionnaire to find out how many times you would help your friend and how many times you would deny helping. Keep track of the number of times you say no to get your personality profile at the end of the questionnaire.
Can I borrow your gym clothes?
We all have that lazy friend that never remembers to bring their gym clothes (out of sheer forgetfulness or apathy), but that normally ends up biting them on the butt, with you being the one having to clean up the mess. “Please,” they plead. “If I miss one more day of class, I’m going to fail for the semester. Please, can I borrow your gym clothes.” But, you think, it’s four-way volleyball day.
Challenge: Would you give your friend your gym clothes?
SAY YES: I would say yes to this favor.
SAY NO: I would say no to this favor.
Would you give me the answers to the quiz?
You and your best friend both have the same Chemistry teacher, notorious for his difficult quizzes. But, you have him earlier in the day than your friend, meaning you have to weather the storm of Hurricane Pop Quiz before your compatriot. Your warnings have left them feeling shaken. Do you bless them with some of the answers, or let them feel the harsh pain you had to feel earlier on in the day?
Challenge: Would you give your friend the answers to the quiz?
SAY YES: I would say yes to this favor.
SAY NO: I would say no to this favor.
Can you break up with him for me?
Your friend has influenza that has plagued young people since the dawn of time: stage five clinger. You guys show up to school early, there’s Drew. You sit down for lunch, there’s Drew. She slams her locker door in frustration, there’s Drew with a hot cocoa and a soothing tone. “You have to get rid of him for me. He’s too much. I never want to see his stupid, boring face again.”
Challenge: Would you help your friend break up with her boyfriend?
SAY YES: I would say yes to this favor.
SAY NO: I would say no to this favor.
Can you share your lunch with me?
As you sit down at your lunch table, excited to chow on a soggy turkey and provolone sandwich, you see your friend digging through their pockets, pulling out nothing but lint, and you know what’s coming next. “Can I have half of that? Please, I forgot my money.”
Challenge: Would you share your sandwich with your friend?
SAY YES: I would say yes to this favor.
SAY NO: I would say no to this favor.
Can you write my paper for me?
Ah, ethics. Those funny little guiding principles that make friendships through school extremely complicated, especially if you have a lazy friend that wants you to do everything for them. You are more than happy to, as you value their friendship, but would you be willing to write a whole paper for them? The repercussions, should the teacher find out you wrote it, would be intense. And it enters a gray morality, helping your friend plagiarize your own words. But, they are always there to talk when you need an ear.
Challenge: Would you write the paper for your friend?
SAY YES: I would say yes to this favor.
SAY NO: I would say no to this favor.
Can I copy your homework?
A studious youngster, you spent your night slaving away for hours on homework, consulting your textbook, the internet, and whatever version of a higher power you subscribe to for answers. As you walk into homeroom, baggy eyes from a night of hardcore homework doing, you see your friend with the same saggy expression. You assume they went through the ringer just like yourself, but they inform you their early morning malaise comes from the party they went to the night before. As you inquire about whether they did the homework, horror strikes their face as they realize they haven’t done it. You know what comes next. “Pllleeeeeeaaaaaaasssssseeee?”
Challenge: Would you allow your friend asking to copy your homework?
SAY YES: I would say yes to this favor.
SAY NO: I would say no to this favor.
Can you text her for me?
Not everyone we associate ourselves can call themselves a cult of personality. Some are just a bit sleepy or far too blunt to be charming to a potential mate. But, said mate won’t have to know that if you talk to them on the phone for them. Your friend hands you their phone. “Please, just text her a bit for me. Your so much better with words than I am.”
Challenge: Would you text your friend’s potential boyfriend or girlfriend for them?
SAY YES: I would say yes to this favor.
SAY NO: I would say no to this favor.
Do you mind if I go out with your ex?
When your older, you understand that the breakups you go through aren’t really that big of a deal. But, when you’re younger, the people that break up with you or might as well be people that kicked your puppy. The pain engulfed in them is intense. Your friend moseys on over to you, with pleading eyes, being the amplifier of that intense pain. “I don’t know what happened. We just, kind of, fell in together. Are you okay with this?”
Challenge: Would you give your friend your blessing to go out with your ex?
SAY YES: I would say yes to this favor.
SAY NO: I would say no to this favor.
Would you take my brother to prom?
Oh, the dog days of the spring, where students struggle to find a somewhat tolerable date for prom, so their classmates don’t think they’ll be forever alone. Alas, you failed in your quest, and so did your best friend’s weirdo brother. And now, your friend is preying on your vulnerability and asking you to take her brother to prom.
Challenge: Would you agree to take your friend’s brother to prom?
SAY YES: I would say yes to this favor.
SAY NO: I would say no to this favor.
Can I borrow that blouse?
As you get dressed to go out with your friend, you can see her gawking longingly in your closet. “Hey, can I borrow that blouse?” Oh no, you think. This is the person that borrowed five dollars for lunch and never returned it. This is the person that never returned my Mean Girls Blu Ray. Blu Ray! Not a DVD. If I let her borrow this blouse, I’ll never see it again.
Challenge: Would you let your friend borrow the blouse?
SAY YES: I would say yes to this favor.
SAY NO: I would say no to this favor.
Since your parents are away, can we throw the party at your place?
When your friend approaches you with the idea of throwing a party at your house while your parents are away, you feel the rush of dangerous excitement course through your body. But, when you consider what happens at these types of parties, your blood turns cold. Will they break the pictures? Ceramics? Bed frames? Mirrors? My dog?
Challenge: Would you let your friend host the party at your house while your parents are away?
SAY YES: I would say yes to this favor.
SAY NO: I would say no to this favor.
Can I borrow a condom?
It seems like it is going to be your lucky night. You and this girl you met at a party are vibing, you are into her, and she is into you. Things are moving fast, but then your buddy comes up to you. “Hey, man, do you have a condom?” You reach into your pocket and realize you only brought one (since you only have one penis).
Challenge: Would you give the condom to your friend?
SAY YES: I would say yes to this favor.
SAY NO: I would say no to this favor.
Can you go to class for me?
University classes are so big that if you were to masquerade as a buddy, the teacher would never be able to find out. That is the situation you find yourself in, as your roommate lies on his bed, hungover to the point of barely being coherent. He asks you to go to class for him, to maintain a perfect attendance and to take notes for him. But, you’d much rather sit around and do absolutely nothing.
Challenge: Would you go to the class for your friend?
SAY YES: I would say yes to this favor.
SAY NO: I would say no to this favor.
Would you help me study tonight?
Studying is an absolutely dreadful task that is only bearable when you do it for yourself. It is much worse when you do it with someone else, where you get nothing out of it. That is exactly what your friend wants you to do. So, do you help them study, or do you go out and have a good time away from the books?
Challenge: Would you help your friend study?
SAY YES: I would say yes to this favor.
SAY NO: I would say no to this favor.
That’s the end of the questionnaire. Go back through, tally how many times you said no to a favor and find your corresponding personality profile:
0 NO’S – G.O.A.T. Best Friend
1 – 3 NO’S – Ride or Die Buddy
4 – 6 NO’S – Flakey but Dependable
7 – 9 NO’S – Prince (or Princess) of Unreliability
10 – 13 NO’S – Selfish, Fake Friend
14 NO’S – Forever Alone
Rabia Kanwal
