7 Feelings Everyone Has About Final Exams

The six stages of guilt are cool and all, but have you ever heard of the seven stages of late-game final exam prep? It’s a harrowing, highly emotional experience. Here are seven feelings everyone has about final exams:

Denial: They can’ be here already, can they?

Ah, the stage where you ignore every warning from every single one of your teachers and opt to party instead. Don’t worry: it’s not a dream. Your finals are around the corner, and you have neglected them entirely. You might think it’s time to get into those books, but there’s still more heady considerations of your imperfections to wade through.

Guilt: Why have I neglected these for so long?

The realization will eventually set in that everything was your fault. An existential dread will wash over you as you begin to realize your own hubris will lead to your downfall. Every moment of weakness in your life will come into sharper focus as you come to the realization that you’re your own worst enemy. As much as you want to wallow in your own guilt, it’s best to get over this stage quickly. It will only serve as a self-defeating reminder of your faults and not push you any further to getting prepared for your Finals.

Obsession: My brain is a textbook; a textbook is me.

If at this point, your eyes aren’t trained on your textbooks, you’re doing it wrong. It’s time to descend into the dark abyss of binge studying. This is a necessary but unsettling step. Everything will surround these trifling books. Your brain chemistry will alter to where every thought for every day will be consumed by studying.

Pain: Why is blood flowing from my eyeballs?

Your study binge will start out as being illuminating. You’ll feel like your preparation is paying off. But, you will hit the wall. There will be a concept that will be inscrutable, forcing you to curl into the fetal position, crying yourself to a hard night’s sleep on the floor. You’ll wake up to find your textbook still open to the page of your worst enemy. All the pain will rush back, but you must endure.

Depression: I swear I’m not crying.

Immense pain will turn into sadness. The existential dread of the guilt stage will return. You’ll feel as if every bit of studying you do is worthless, as you will never do enough to pass your exams. You’re a dumb boy or girl that has no chance of success. When you reach this stage, take a stroll to clear your mind.

Anger: My teachers never prepared me for this. This is their fault!

As you take your self-healing walk, a bird will pop on your shoulder. Or, menial will happen that will ring as disastrous to you. It’s time to fly off the handle, stamping your feet and yelling at strangers. This red-hot rage will boil over. Don’t panic. This eruption will settle and leave you in a place of Zen.

Acceptance: I’ve done all I can. At least it will be over soon.

It’s over. Your final exams are on the horizon. You’ve done your studying, crying, whining, and screaming. There is nothing else left for you to do. You just have to go in, do your best, and hope you did enough. It’s a relieving feeling, once everything leaves your hands. This is acceptance.