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Pakistan: This Is Your Wife

In the past, we've reported from Pakistan about political conflicts and natural disasters, but in this week's "Rough Cut," we travel there to celebrate a wedding.

FRONTLINE/World reporter Kim Perry first met the Asghars, a well-to-do Pakistani-American family, while she was reporting on immigrant communities in California. When family matriarch Robina Asghar told Perry that her eldest son Tabriz was about to go to Pakistan to marry a woman he barely knew, she invited Perry to film the occasion.

In Perry's affectionate portrait, we first meet Tabriz at his parents' home in Stockton, California, as he prepares to leave. Wearing a T-shirt and a baseball cap, the 27-year-old law student looks every bit the relaxed Californian and admits that he hasn't given much thought to his pending nuptials. "Right now, there's nothing running through my head about it. There should be, but there's not," he shrugs.

He just knows that it's part of his family's culture and he doesn't want to let them down.

"I'm pretty sure I'm not going to force my kids to do what I'm supposed to do," he tells Perry. "But for me, this is what I was taught to do, so I'm going to do it this way."

A deer caught in the headlights doesn't begin to describe the groom's expression of bewilderment once he and the rest of the family arrive in Islamabad for five days of hectic wedding celebrations. The festivities begin at his father's village in the northern frontier, where Tabriz gamely dances in traditional dress with a group of men from the village.

Then it's back to the city for a series of receptions, where the parade of dazzling outfits and decorations make the story such a visual delight.

Somewhere in the midst of all this, a piece of paper is signed and the bemused bride and groom are officially married.

The affable Tabriz, who teaches elementary school back in Stockton, does his best to guide us through the occasion and share how it feels to be caught between his parents' cultural expectations and his own sense of himself as a 21st century American. He admits that during the prolonged wedding ceremonies his mind was blank for much of the time. "I am thinking of Tony the Tiger, Frosted Flakes, then Lucky Charms," he says sheepishly. "My mind just drifts off."

Even when the camera settles quietly on Tabriz and his lovely bride as they are groomed and coiffed for the next event, their body language speaks volumes about their unease. Before the wedding, they had only met three times, and never alone. It's the couple's complete lack of familiarity that makes Perry's story so absorbing to watch.

"For me, the nine days I spent with the Asghar family in Pakistan," Perry says, "watching Tabriz adjust to the culture and customs was life-changing. He's just as American as I am."

When Perry asks Sumra, the bride, how she feels about the marriage, she simply replies, "It is what it is." The 22-year-old was planning to go to law school, but since the engagement, she says her parents have told her there's little point in pursuing her degree as it would be in Islamic law and take her four years to complete.

As the two were married in late 2005, we were curious to know how they are getting along now. Perry reports that once Sumra's visa was cleared in September, she arrived in the United States. She and Tabriz are currently living with his parents. Tabriz says he still questions being married, but he's OK with it. As for his wife, he says, "She's very patient with me."

1. If we assume that the human need for love is the same in both the USA and Pakistan, what would lead to such very different ways of meeting the human need for love in Pakistan compared to the norm in the USA?