Chapter $8$: Persuasive Messages$8\mathrm{.}2$

Radical Rewrite: Claim Letter From Seriously Displeased Customer $($Objs$.13)$The following claim letter lodges a strong, almost insulting complaint, but the writer does little to persuade the receiver to meet his demands. Can you administer a radical rewrite that might make the request more successful?

Your Task. Analyze this poorly written claim letter, and list at least five weaknesses. If your instructor directs, revise it$.$

$.$Current date

Mr$.$ Trenton Khalifa

VIP Copier Specialists

$1532$ Nashville PikeGallatin,

TN $37012$

Dear Ripoff Specialist:

Here are the dismal facts. My company recently purchased four of your BizStar C$500$ photocopiers, which sounded great at the time. They promised $2-$sided copies, fax, printer, and color scanning to my computer. This was perfect for my health care office. Your salesperson Carol Finley assured us that the BizStar C$500$ could handle our high volume of $3,000$ copies a day. This sounded unlikely since the sales brochure suggested that the C$500$ was meant for $500$ copies a day. Regardless, we listened to what Ms$.$ Finley told us$.$ And that was our big mistake! Our four C$500$ copiers are down every day, and my employees are screaming at me constantly. These machines are still under warranty, and I will admit that they do eventually get repaired. However, we can$$t get by with so much downtime.Because I lost faith in your Ms$.$ Finley, I telephoned the district manager, William Yamaguchi. I suggested that we trade in our four BizStar C$500$ copiers $($which cost us $$2,300$ each$)$ for two BizStar C$1000$ models $($at $$12,500$ each$).$ However, Mr$.$ Yamaguchi said he would have to charge $50$ percent depreciation on our C$500$ copiers. What a major rip$-$off! I think that $20$ percent depreciation is more reasonable since we$$ve had the machines only three months. Ms$.$ Finley said she would get back to me$,$ and I haven$$t heard from her since.Now I$$m forced to write to your headquarters because I have had no luck with either Ms$.$ Finley or Mr$.$ Yamaguchi, and I need to see some action on these machines. If you understood anything about business, you would see what a sweet deal I$$m offering you. I$$m willing to stick with your company and purchase your most expensive model$$but I can$$t take such a steep loss on the C$500$ copiers. These copiers are relatively new; you should be able to sell them with no trouble. And think of all the money you will save by not having your repair technicians making constant trips to service our underpowered BizStar C$500$ copiers! Please let me hear from you immediately, or I may next turn to Yelp.Sincerely yours,List at least five weaknesses.