Decontaminate the messages that follow the Guidelines by rewriting them in a way that makes them whole (separate out each type of relevant expression). You can fill in details, if needed, to make your expressions more meaningful.

II. GUIDELINES

Which of the guideline(s) for 'using words well' are ignored? (There may be more than one in a sentence.)

A. Recognize Feelings

B. Recognize the Difference between Feeling, Observation, Need and Thought

C. Judgments are made (positive or negative)

D. Jargon is used

E. Speaker accepts responsibility for her/his feelings (uses "I" language)

F. Uses "you" language

G. Polarizing Language (can create defensiveness)

H. Focus on a specific set of circumstances

 IV. Rewrite statements that do not follow the above guidelines to clearly or accurately express what the speaker wants to say.

 V. RECORD examples of your own at the end of the exercise.

 

EXAMPLE 1

Statement: "I feel like you don't ever take me seriously."

Analysis*: This isn't a satisfactory statement. The speaker does not accept responsibility for her feelings (E), the speaker's thoughts are not clearly identified (B), and there is a negative judgment of the other person (C). There is not a specific set of circumstances (H)

Restatement: "I feel disregarded and I think that you don't take me seriously when I ask you to go out with me."

 

EXAMPLE 2

Statement: "It looks like you've ruined another perfectly good relationship."

Analysis: This is not a satisfactory statement. The speaker is using polarizing language (G), makes a negative judgment (C) and uses "you" language". (F)

Restatement: "I think that you have lost a good relationship."

 

1. You're being awfully sensitive about that.

Analysis ________________________________________________

Restatement _____________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

 

1. I can't figure out how to approach him.

Analysis ________________________________________________

Restatement _____________________________________________

________________________________________________________

 

1. I'm confused about what you want from me.

Analysis ________________________________________________

Restatement _____________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

 

1. I feel as if you're trying to hurt me.

Analysis ________________________________________________

Restatement _____________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

 

1. You make me so mad when you're late.

Analysis ________________________________________________

Restatement _____________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

 

1. I'm sort of upset with your behavior and a little bit annoyed that you don't apologize.

Analysis ________________________________________________

Restatement _____________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

 

1. I see you're all in there enjoying the game while I clean up the kitchen.

Analysis ________________________________________________

Restatement _____________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

 

1. I feel like the rug's been pulled out from under me.

Analysis ________________________________________________

Restatement _____________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

 

Now record three statements of your own. Analyze each one using the guidelines above. If needed, rephrase a correct statement.

1. Statement ___________________________________________

Analysis ________________________________________________

Restatement _____________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

 

1. Statement __________________________________________

Analysis ________________________________________________

Restatement _____________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

 

1. Statement_______________________________________

Analysis ________________________________________________

Restatement _____________

Answer rating: 100% (QA)

Youre being awfully sensitive about that Analysis This statement uses you language F implies a negative judgment C and might create defensiveness due to polarizing language G Restatement It seems like ... View the full answer