Defensiveness can be defined as "...a protective reaction resulting from fear or a threat to one's face or ego" (Andersen & Guerrero, 1989). Defensiveness is a behavior that obstructs effective communication and problem solving and often leads to relational problems.  One of the great challenges in our interpersonal relationships is responding in a nondefensive manner when we feel we have been criticized

 

Create non-defensive responses to the following criticisms posed by the person in parentheses:

1. You look terrible! (Spoken by your parent)
2. You are always late. (A coworker at the office)
3. Your work was not submitted on time. (A university professor)
4. You're acting like a jerk. (Your significant other)
5. You're a bad parent. (Your child)
6. What you said was really hurtful and unkind.    (A sibling or close relative)

Number your responses and be sure not only to include your non-defensive message, but also the strategy that you utilized.