EAC594 EMAIL ASSIGNMENT: Email Rewrite - Individual Submission

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The following email message from Kennedy Freed asks his assistant, Camille Chavez, to write an email with information about various speakers. However, the message Kennedy has written is poorly written in terms of organization and language: it badly needs a re-write. Rewrite the message of Kennedy so Camille can have an easier time reading it.

Study the message and think of what you have learned about business style and professional emails. Rewrite this message to improve its weaknesses.

Weaknesses

Lacks a subject line that identifies the major idea of the message.

Fails to open directly (opening line) by telling Camille what she is to do.

Masses too much information in bulky paragraphs.

Does not organize information so that it is easy for the reader to comprehend quickly.

Places action information in the opening paragraph instead of at the end.

Suffers from wordiness, the inclusion of unnecessary details and informal language.

Fails to include a deadline (action date at end) and reason for completing the task.

Date : October 30, 2022

To: Camille Chavez c.chavez@firstfederal.com

From Kennedy Freed k.freed@firstfederal.com

Subject: Luncheon Talks

Hey,

Youve probably seen us working hard to get speakers to speak at our Lunch and Learn sessions. Well, guess what?!!! Weve finally lined up a few speakers for November and December. It took a little twisting of arms, but we do have some really good speakers lined up. Were scheduling all the talks from 12 noon to 1 pm, but the speakers should plan to speak only 30 minutes and leave 10 to 20 minutes for questions and answers.

What I need you to do is to send messages to these speakers to confirm. If any of them has questions or needs to change his date, just have them call my cell at 213-348-4421. We will need to get this done as soon as possible since the listing will be released November 5th. The speakers are Alina Adams, who agreed to speak at our first fall session on Tuesday, November 24. Her topic is How to Talk So People Will Listen. Another interesting speaker is Caitlyn Cervantes. Her topic is Top Ten Tips for Eating Healthy. Caitlyns date is Thursday November 22. Another speaker who just agreed is Brandon Tabaldo, and his topic is Staying Safe: Private and Secure Social Networks. We were able to schedule Mr Tobaldo for Tuesday December 15.

Oh yes, wait! Theres more. I forgot: I need you to add the e-mail addresses for the speakers:

Alina.adamns@circe.com, ttabalso@ intercoastal.com, and caitylyn.cervantes@rio.com Thank you for doing this for me, Camille.

Thanks a lot,

Kennedy Freed

Manager, First Federal

112 Lundy Lane, Head Office 310

k.freed@firstfederal.com

When you re-write the email, remember to do the following:

Provide a subject line that clearly and concisely states the purpose of the message

Summarize the main idea immediately and clearly in the opening line or introduction (begin directly)

Organize related information into paragraphs that explain the main idea. List information for readability.

Request a specific action with an end date and a reason.

Your email needs to

Look like an email in its format (use the template)

Appear as ONLY the email in a WORD document

Use a 12-point font in ARIAL or TIMES NEW ROMAN

DO NOT USE COLOUR fonts

DO NOT USE EXCLAMATION POINTS

DO NOT DOUBLE SPACE Leave space between paragraphs

DO NOT INDENT PARAGRAPHS

Your email rewrite should reflect the above improvements and the body must be 155 words or less. The body means just the BODY not the subject line, salutation, or signature block. Be aware that you do not write overly long sentences (limit your sentences to under 25 words each). Remember, contractions (Im) are OKAY in day to day emails.

Remember the 6Cs of Business Writing in your work: Complete, Concise, Correct, Coherent, Convincing, Courteous.

Use this template and create a clear and appropriate subject line for the response:

Date : October 30, 2022

To: Camille Chavez c.chavez@firstfederal.com

From Kennedy Freed k.freed@firstfederal.com

Subject:

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