Ed and Barry had worked together for over five years. In fact, they considered one another close

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Ed and Barry had worked together for over five years. In fact, they considered one another close friends.

Recently, however, their relationship has been strained. Ed thought Barry was giving him too much work to do without any real reward or incentive. As a result, Ed had repeatedly cancelled family plans to get the work done. Barry, on the other hand, didn’t understand why Ed was treating him so coldly in recent weeks.

Finally, Ed decided he had to say something. He thought about saying, “Barry, you’re ruining my life with all the work assignments.” Instead, he said, “Barry, lately I’ve felt overworked and wondered if we could talk about my work assignments.”

Barry was angry when he heard Ed say that. Barry thought about lashing out. Instead, he realized he was overreacting emotionally. He paused momentarily, then said, “Ed, I’m sorry you’ve felt overworked. Can you tell me why you’ve been feeling that way?”

Later in the conversation, Ed thought about saying, “If you can’t give me a more manageable workload, maybe it’s time to move me into a different team.” Instead, he said, “I’m really hopeful I can get a more manageable workload soon. What do you think are the best options to make that happen?”

Barry replied, “Ed, I don’t want you to feel overworked. In fact, I don’t want you to put in more hours than anyone else on the team, including me. Let’s figure out how to improve your situation.”

Ed initially wondered if Barry was being sincere. He quickly thought to himself, “Barry and I have worked so well together for so many years. I know he wants to help me out. I need to hear him out and try to work out a good solution in this case.”

An hour later, Ed and Barry had cleared the air on several matters. They had worked out a plan to ensure Ed had a more manageable workload while also living up to the expectations of his work role.

Ed decided he had to say something. He thought about saying, “Barry, you’re ruining my life with all the work assignments.” Instead, he said, “Barry, lately I’ve felt overworked and wondered if we could talk about my work assignments.” What principle of holding a difficult conversation is most at play here?