how would you respond to these questions regarding this composition?

1. What, in your words, is this paragraph about? Are there any sentences or ideas that fall outside the main topic? If so, which ones?
2. How are quotes or paraphrases used to support your peer's ideas? Would your peer's audience find these to be convincing, or is more evidence needed?
3. What words or strategies does your peer use to appeal to their audience? Are there any ways in which the writer could engage the reader more?
4. How does your peer lead the reader from one idea to the next? Did you get a little lost anywhere? If so, where did you get lost?
5. What might help your peer overcome the challenges they faced?

My thesis is that technology has advanced and connected society in many ways, but it also has consequences, particularly in the overreliance on AI, the negative impacts of social media, and the risks of hacks and data breaches. My target audience is the general public.

English was never my strong suit or my first language. So I am not confident in my writing skills like second guessing my wording and thinking my writing is strong or compelling enough. I also had some difficulties making sure the essay flowed properly.

This is my introduction paragraph. I would like to know what needs to be refined, if my thesis is well-developed, and if it's engaging enough.

In a world where technology connects us across the globe, creates industries, and simplifies life, we overlook the consequences it brings to society. As long as humans have been around, we've been trying to excel and innovate ways to make daily tasks easier.However, there are consequences that arise as we depend more on technology. Despite technological advancements, it also has its drawbacks, particularly in the overreliance on AI, the negative impacts caused by social media, and the growing threat of hacking and data breaches.