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CHAPTER XXIX THE FUNDAMENTALS OF GOOD BEHAVIOR 100 H IM Madurai air for Windowed anderen sila. The desde daha et bewund, and they are plex desde tegen heeft dede in free-lengt DE ENCHES OF BRAVIOR A pr. www wybus Meny a castel poleThe al y despues de la haarai , 14 har Avete avute bag, irae malay be that Awwadi sem A ver eneste fuels aliis illerini chwil wwwwww de Top reseptit Nadar yarlean at a hearts at a twis; ntras are What was to be in cuir ma parte he Mr hurtur hurian Ameses punto de vie Il che le batterie of his . k allows her to the tu pr. Nemeshe te may be the per, in hulle terjalistyce will No estoy te dy katA at istica de you dopun Andred the mahdessed in and news Adeste created as Intet, ist wich (nt, has iai aaley Why were the www.we crew Wyetolm pale wiem whe Apdowy stay si parte #vyra itu bersihan wil his guy other it is the Wher telefone pay by few podlie dich Ashe will the tyto - 1 www.di wwwy Gis" a touch ompones por los senting to work in Reg. "My poetess Wies ini intestinely de Sil The temple themely what is Agua lara, MAIL 'Wiulgar ONS Why A man of breeding does not slap rangers on the back or so much as the impersonalady. No debe punctuate hice by pushing appropter chatice cut of the drawing Nanding the when in the most imited marines decese of underwear and we wicker and the merite this AB the people are considerate of the feeling of chess o what the ice of the others may be Thackeray's climber who is the boots of those som and kids the face of the bow the social latter'y pastaanaasha not of mist A peter takes advantage of anothee's helplessness or speed megeleman will take advantage of SEPLICITY AND UNCONSCIOUSNESS OF SELF There were betterally peinkled roogtepus of this book yet they come a cerides of these of selfs omach umelci se metal texting all ought of one's self-exactly as mens delight Slike in that is lehes quality of life means of the essential of directness. Simple people put del pes, on the buteenbetsplicity na werything on the contrary to perch langrape limpad form and many of THE INSTINCTS OF A LADY The intents of a lady the same theme of a gentleman She pually punct beterdete, oually were to prossing her whantage especially why shells er per As any wide her dignity demands that she show her disappeal of her hand, no matter how poblicly he lights are rapes her. If been selenate we have married mangelen entre his behavior would put herself on his level. Ir it comes actually the phone she diverses him, she disce her i stali les parents et Berbeuther where are her und wisest teater, the the hot and sing her alan with and hotelamily, we can strongly care te poate Valgary of the woman soate as to be shiped to go three divorce proceso confides the private details of her life to per THE HALL-ARK OF THE CUNIBER Ngay premier te weitere same tich het have struggled s Otherwise se eagerly boast of the achievement? Nobody cowboy that is het die behandll To the whole mater bow quietly, in the security of a perfectly good lodge above from the social ladder's romp, the evidence of one fatically dime and trying there is merely All thered women and men are correderate of the less Sitely place of these in their employ One of the which dinge the wobei an the way of is to the way she dependent ren Victwo these gradies of grande, were everyone e contering house of a dwe friend, said "How do you do, asins sa butler and tea isterdahele mail. Good mokin' A Marylly e the studeed her tamil the generation before the Revolutie quite s polise to her friends as to her friends themselves. When you and when monta le angor facery is they were de donner les fem become thing she has come a very long way from the ground CHAPTER XXIX THE FUNDAMENTALS OF GOOD BEHAVIOR Far more important than any mere dictum of ctiquette is the fundamental code of honor, without strict observance of which no man, no matter how "polished." can be considered a gentleman. The honor of a gentleman demands the inviolability of his word, and the incorruptibility of his principles, he is the descendant of the knight, the crusader, he is the defender of the defenseless, and the champion of justice-or he is not a gentleman. DECENCIES OF BEHAVIOR gentleman does not, and a man who aspires to be one must not ever borrow money from a woman, nor should he, except in unexpected circumstances. borrow money from a man. Money borrowed without security is a debt of honor which must be paid without fail and promptly as possible. The debts incurred by a deceased parent, brother, sister, or grown child, are assumed by honorable men and women, as debts of honor. A gentleman never takes advantage of a woman in a business dealing, nor of the poor or the helpless. One who is not well off does not "sponge, " but pays his own way to the utmost of his ability One who is rich does not make a display of his money or his possessions. Only a vulgarian talks ceaselessly about how much this or that cost him. A very well-bred man intensely dislikes the mention of money, and never speaks of it (out of business hours) if he can avoid it. A gentleman never discusses his family affairs cither in public or with acquaintances, nor does he speak more than casually about his wife. A man is a cad who tells anyone, no matter who, what his wife told him in confidence, or describes what she looks like in her bedroom. To impart details of her beauty is scarcely better than to publish her blemishes, to do either is unspeakable. Nor does a gentleman ever criticise the behavior of a wife whose conduct is scandalous. What he says to her in the privacy of their own apartments is no one's affair but his own, but he must never treat her with disrespect before their children, or a servant, or any one. A man of honor never seeks publicly to divorce his wife, no matter what he believes her conduct to have been; but for the protection of his own name, and that of the children, he allows her to get her freedom on other than criminal grounds. No matter who he may be, whether rich, or poor, in high life or low. the man who publicly besmirches his wife's name, besmirches still more his own, and proves that he is not was not, and never will be a gentleman. No gentleman goes to a lady's house if he is affected by alcohol. A gentleman seeing a young man who is not entirely himself in the presence of ladies. quietly induces the youth to depart. An older man addicted to the use of too much alcohol, need not be discussed, since he ceases to be asked to the houses of ladies. A gentleman does not lose control of his temper. In fact, in his own self-control under difficult or dangerous circumstances, lies his chief ascendancy over others who impulsively betray every emotion which animates them. Exhibitions of anger, fear, hatred, embarrassment, ardor or hilarity, are all bad form in public. And bad form is merely an action which "jars" the sensibilities of others. A gentleman does not show a letter written by a lady, unless perhaps to a very intimate friend if the letter is entirely impersonal and written by some one who is equally the friend of the one to whom it is shown. But the occasions when the letter of a woman may be shown properly by a man are so few that it is safest to make it a rule never to mention a woman's letter. A gentleman does not bow to a lady from a club window; nor according to good form should ladies ever be discussed in a man's club! A man whose social position is self-made is apt to be detected by his continual cataloguing of prominent names. Mr. Parvenu invariably interlards his conversation with, "When I was dining at the Bobo Gilding's"; or even at Lucy Gilding's," and quite often accentuates, in his ignorance, those of rather second- rate, though conspicuous position. "I was spending last week-end with the Richan Vulgars," or "My great friends, the Gotta Crusts." When a so-called gentleman insists on imparting information, interesting only to the Social Register, shun him! The born gentleman avoids the mention of names exactly as he avoids the mention of what things cost; both are an abomination to his soul. A gentleman's manners are an integral part of him and are the same whether in his dressing room or in a ballroom, whether in talking to Mrs. Worldly or to the laundress bringing in his clothes. He whose manners are only put on in company is a veneered gentleman, not a real one. A man of breeding does not slap strangers on the back nor so much as lay his finger-tips on a lady. Nor does he punctuate his conversation by pushing or nudging or patting people, nor take his conversation out of the drawing-room! Notwithstanding the advertisements in the most dignified magazines, a discussion of underwear and toilet articles and their merit or their use is unpleasant in polite conversation. All thoroughbred people are considerate of the feelings of others no matter what the station of the others may be. Thackeray's climber who "licks the boots of those above him and kicks the faces of those below him on the social ladder," is a very good illustration of what a gentleman is not. A gentleman never takes advantage of another's helplessness or ignorance, and assumes that no gentleman will take advantage of him. SIMPLICITY AND UNCONSCIOUSNESS OF SELF These words have been literally sprinkled through the pages of this book, yet it is doubtful if they convey a clear idea of the attributes meant. Unconsciousness of self is not so much unselfishness as it is the mental ability to extinguish all thought of one's self-exactly as one turns out the light. Simplicity is like it, in that it also has a quality of self-effacement, but it really means a love of the essential and of directness. Simple people put no trimmings on their phrases, nor on their manners; but remember, simplicity is not crudeness nor anything like it. On the contrary, simplicity of speech and manners means language in its purest, most limpid form, and manners of such perfection that they do not suggest manner at all. THE INSTINCTS OF A LADY The instincts of a lady are much the same as those of a gentleman. She is equally punctilious about her debts, equally averse to pressing her advantage especially if her adversary is helpless or poor. As an unhappy wife, her dignity demands that she never show her disapproval of her husband, no matter how publicly he slights or outrages her. If she has been so unfortunate as to have married a man not a gentleman, to draw attention to his behavior would put herself on his level. If it comes actually to the point where she divorces him, she discusses her situation, naturally, with her parents or her brother or whoever are her nearest and wisest relatives, but she shuns publicity and avoids discussing her affairs with any one outside of her immediate family. One can not too strongly censure the unspeakable vulgarity of the woman so unfortunate as to be obliged to go through divorce proceedings, who confides the private details of her life to reporters. THE HALL-MARK OF THE CLIMBER Nothing so blatantly proclaims a woman climber as the repetition of prominent names, the owners of which she must have struggled to know. Otherwise, why so eagerly boast of the achievement? Nobody cares whom she knows--nobody that is, but a climber like herself. To those who were born and who live, no matter how quietly, in the security of a perfectly good ledge above and away from the social ladder's rungs, the evidence of one frantically climbing and trying to vaunt her exalted position is merely ludicrous. All thoroughbred women, and men, are considerate of others less fortunately placed, especially of those in their employ. One of the tests by which to distinguish between the woman of breeding and the woman merely of wealth, is to notice the way she speaks to dependents. Queen Victoria's duchesses, those great ladies of grand manner, were the very ones who, on entering the house of a close friend, said "How do you do, Hawkins?" to a butler; and to a sister duchess's maid, "Good morning. Jenkins." A Maryland lady, still living on the estate granted to her family three generations before the Revolution, is quite as polite to her friends' servants as to her friends themselves. When you see a woman in silks and sables and diamonds speak to a little errand girl or a footman or a scullery maid as though they were the dirt under her feet, you may be sure of one thing; she hasn't come a very long way from the ground herself