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Hard-Wired to Bounce Back Researchers are documenting an innate "self-righting tendency that exists in everyone. How can you use their findings to help yourself and help others be more resilient? (This article is reprinted from the book, Resiliency in Action Practical ideas for Overcoming Risks and Building Strengths in Youth, Families, and Communities, published by Resiliency in Action Copyright 2007 Resiliency in Action, Inc., all rights reserved) by Nan Henderson, M.S.W. Can individuals learn to be more resilient, or are some just bom with the ability to bounce back from adversity? Both, according to researchers, whose work suggests that human beings are born with an innate self-righting ability, which can be helped or hindered. Their findings are fueling a major shift in thinking about human development from obsessing about problems and weaknesses to recognising the power of the positive identifying and building individual and environmental strengths that help people to overcome difficulties achieve happiness, and attain We succes. After 15 years of studying and rellecting upon the myriad studies on human resiliency. dialoguing with thousands of people of all ages about the topic, and writing extensively about resiliency, I have come to believe that individuals are hard-wired to bounce back from adversity. I also believe everyone can expand this innate capacity for resiliency within themselves and others. People bounce back in two ways: they draw upon their own internal resources, and they encounter people, organizations, and activities that provide them with the conditions that help the emergence of their resilience. Psychologists call these internal and external conditions "protective factors and conclude. "these buffers are more powerful in a person's life than risks of traumas or stress. They fuel the movement towards healthy development I have identified four basic characteristics of residency building that add the power of protective factors to people's lives. I have observed that the most successful educators and counselors, the best parenting, and the companies identified as "The best places to work in America utilize these approaches. They are also the best self-help" strategies and can be used to overcome the loss of a loved one or a job, cope with a major liness, or Successfully navigate the challenges of raising children Some resiliency researchers theorize that these conditions are achaly basic human needs across the life span, that from birth to death everyone does better in environments that embody them. 1. Communicate "The Resiliency Altitude. The first protective strategy is communicating the attitude, "You have what it takes to get through this in words and deeds. I interviewed a young man a few years ago who had lived a paint We of loss and abuse. Most of his adolescence was spent in one foster home after another. He told me that what helped him the most in attaining his own resilient outcome were the people along the way that told him, What is right with you is more powerful than anything that is wrong In my trainings, people tell me that this is difficult to do. For example, a child who is skipping dass and responding with anger and belligerence to any offer of help presents a typical paradox At the very same time a person is weighed down with problems in one area of life, he or she also has strengths somewhere else times when obstacles have been overcome in the post talents or skills or passions that can be focused on and developed in the present. The challenge is to both be aware of the problems and to draw upon the strengths of the person to help solve them as well as to sincerely communicate the belief that the current problems can be successfully overcome. 2. Adopt a "Strengths Perspective. The keystone of high achievement and happiness is exercising your strengths," rather than focusing on weaknesses, concludes residency researcher Seligman (2001). past president of the American Psychological Association. I recently asked a group of teenagers and adults to identify their strengths. Both ages were at a loss-neither group could name strengths and both were restant to share out loud even tentative ideas about what their strengths might be. So I asked the group to identify a challenge of problem they had recently overcome in their lives. The kids talked about having to move to another school, the death of grandparents, their parents divorce, struggling with difficult subjects in school, being rejected by a club or social group or sports team. The adults talked about changing jobs, kaving bad relationships, stopping smoking, losing weight and losses of friends and family, as well Next I asked, "List what within yourself or outside yourself helped you overcome these problems and losses. I had the group compare their lists to a list of individual strengths researchers have found are particularly useful in overcoming adversity, individual protective factors that I cal personal residency builders. (See list below.) Almost everyone saw that they had used two or three or more of these in the recent past, such things as drawing upon positive personal relationships in their lives, their sense of humor, or their spiritual faith "How can you use these same strengths in successfully dealing with current problems in your lives? I asked the group. A school counselor told me recently how she applied this approach. A high school student was referred to the countelor because the girl was falling two subjects, math and science. Normally, the counselor told me, she would immediately confront the student with the problem-in this case two failing grades-after making some brief smalt. Instead, after the small talk, she opened her session with this question: "Sandy. I have leamed a lesse about your site. Tell me, how have you managed to do as well as you have done7 Sandy the counselor told me, immediately burstinto tears. "Never in all my years has anyone acknowledged what it has taken just to get to school," she said. Most of the rest of the session was spent identifying all the strengths and supports Sandy had used to do as well as she had done." Toward the end of the session, the counselor said, "Let's talk about how you can use these things to bring your grades up in math and science." 3. Surround Each Person-as well as Families and Organizations with all elements of "The Resiliency Wheel." I first developed the model of The Resilency Wheel in 1996. It is a synthesis of the environmental protective conditions that research indicates everyone can benefit from having in their lives. I realized that these elements of environmental protection are also extremely useful in assisting families and even organizations bounce back from adversity, In the past decade, The Residency Wheel has been adopted as the primary organizational rubric for helping children, youth, adults and families by numerous local, regional, and state agencies. Provide Care and Support. Ask yourself or assess for others, 'What would be very nurturing right now "How can I best show compassion to myself or the person I am trying to help? Often simply finding or providing a good listening ear is extremely resiliency-building. So is uplifting music, time in nature, or reading an inspiring book. Providing oneself and others with unconditional positive regard, love and encouragement is the most powerful external resiliency-builder - Set High, but Realistie, Expectations for Success. Effectively using this strategy Involves identifying and supporting steps in the right direction rather than demanding instant perfection. One middle school worked with changed its Honor Roll program to an "On A Roll program. In order to be recognized as "On A Roll students need only rabe their grades one kotletEveryone who does this is rewarded as on a rol" A couple of the teachers in this school confided to me, "We were amazed at how many of our gangsters decided to participatel" Their comment reinforced the residency finding that people have within them, as resiliency researchers Womer and Smith (1992) state. "an inte self-righting tendency that moves them towards normal human development. It also shows the power of recogniting and rewarding small steps of progress Provide Opportunities for "Meaningful Contribution to others. Paradoxically one of the best way to bounce back from personal problems is help someone else with theirs. Traumatized kids, for example, who are offered opportunities to be of genuine help to others who need are often most helped themselves through this opportunity. A foster parent told me her one of my presentations the giving the boys in his care the opportunity to serve disabled vets at the local community veteranscenter did more for the boys than any other strategy he'd tried to help them. Suddenly, these boys were in a new, and very healing role. They were now resources, rather than problems. This strategy, he said, was life changing In the wake of the 9/11 tragedies, a consistent message of psychologists interviewed about how to get through that time was "Make a positive contribution in some way. Give whatever you have to give . Increase Positive Bonds and Connections. People who we positively bonded to other people (rough a network of friends and family andior cuts or organizations) and to enjoyable activities do better in life. This fact has been documented extensively by psychological and medical research. Roaching out to connect with someone, some group, or some activity that is positive is another strategy to successfully cope with adversity. In fact, several areas of research are documenting that people who have more social connection and participate in enjoyable hobbies activities load physically and mental healthier lives. As Omish (2005) wrote: Love and intimacy are at the root of what makes us sick and what makes us well. a new medication had the same impact, failure to prescribe it would be malpractice. Connections with other people affect not only the quality of our lives but also our survival. Study after study find that people who feel lonely are many times more likely to get cardiovascular disease than those who have a strong sense of connection and community. I'm not aware of any other factor in medicine--not diet, not smoking, not exercise, no genetics, nol drugs. not surgery that has a greater impact on our quality of Me.... . Sot and Maintain Clear Boundaries, Fooling safe, knowing what to expect, and not being overwhelmed also builds resioncy. This means developing or encouraging in others the ability to say "no" appropriately, to stand up for oneself when necessary, and to provide whatever means are needed to feel a sense of safety Setting and enforcing clear and consistent "family rules or school or other organizational policies are part of this process, and are particularly powerful residency builders for children and youth. Anything that increases the feeling of inner security makes it easier to bounce back. Develop Needed Life Skills A new life circumstance, a never-before-experienced problem or crisis, a change in a job or a relationship or a familiar role almost always requires new skies. Good communication and listening skills, healthy conflict