Read the article and write a reflection paper in response to the article.

Questions to consider: What did I learn from this article? What did I agree with? What did I disagree with? What questions and thoughts did this article bring up for me? What biases and assumptions did this article bring up in me and/or challenge in me? What did I like about this article? What did I not like about this article? How is this information useful to me?

ARTICLE:

So, You're Attracted to Your Client?

Shelley Green, Ph.D., LMFT

Nova Southeastern University

First of all, join the club. Every good therapist who is honest enough to admit it will at some point find him or herself attracted to a client. It may be a fleeting attraction, and it may be a full-blown, intense, angst-filled volcano that threatens to end the therapist's career, marriage or intimate partnership and sense of self as a professional. In any case, it will help to pay attention to a few things:

1. It's normal to feel attraction for a client. The clinical setting is an intimate place to be, and we are all humansexual attraction happens.

1. The therapeutic context can provide the necessary ingredients for attractions to developit's an unnatural setting. Perfect strangers come in to our peaceful, private office and tell us the most intimate detailsoften that they share with no one else. These details are often about their own sexual attractions and experiences, about which they may experience shame, regrets, and the fear of being rejected. Where else would they find acceptance, unconditional positive regard, and a warm and empathic listening presence, devoid of judgment? What else could be so attractive? They certainly may experience that safe place as attraction to the therapist.

1. Attraction typically breeds attraction; if your client experiences the above and becomes attracted to you, you may feel flattered, and the warm feelings that engenders may feed your own attraction to your client.

1. While it is undesirable to be attracted to your client, it is nevertheless normal. We are all sexual creatures, managing the conflicting demands of career, family, community involvements, and the stresses of daily life. Who wouldn't enjoy the thrill of a new attraction?

1. Remember, however, that while the therapy setting itself can be a likely place for attractions to develop, often the attraction is more about that context than about the particular person. When amidst the throes of an intense new attraction, it's easy to believe that your level of desire means this person is your soul mate and that you must act on this attraction because it's the most real thing you have ever felt. Careful . . . . much more likely is that it's the context itself that is generating the attraction. Yes, this person tells you everything; he or she is totally honest and vulnerable with you, in a way that your current partner isn't always. Of course he isyou're his therapist! He (or she) is supposed to trust and open up to you. More than likely, if you met this person in the "real world," in a bar or at a party, you would not even notice or find yourself attracted. It is very likely the therapeutic context itself that is creating the attraction.
2. This type of attraction can also happen when students or supervisees become involved with their mentorsit's the mentoring relationship itself that creates the attraction ("oh, he's so incredible and smart and famous . . . . and he thinks I'm amazing!").

1. Should I share my feelings of attraction with my client? NO!!!!! While your client may very well confess feelings of attraction to you (in which case you should normalize these and reiterate the safe, therapeutic, non-sexual nature of your ongoing relationship with the client), your attraction to your client is not his or her problem and you should not make it so. It is yours to deal with; telling your client instantly compromises the therapeutic relationship and makes it impossible for the client not to feel sexualized by you. Caveat: If you decide you can't continue with therapy because the attraction is too strong, you may in fact need to tell the client, as you don't want them to feel that you have rejected them as a client. If that's the case, you need to do so professionally, and again, with clear boundaries. Remember that it is always the therapist's responsibilitynot the client'sto manage boundaries and insure that no sexual contact occurs between client and therapist. The client's behavior is irrelevant in terms of ethical and legal liability. Also, remember that the AAMFT Code of Ethics stipulates that prohibition against sexual relationships between therapist and client is in perpetuitythere is no "safe zone" after therapy ends in which you may engage in an intimate relationship with a former client.

1. While it is your issue to deal with, it's far better if you don't deal with it alone. This is not a burden you should carry in silence. Secrecy only feeds the attraction and makes it feel more real; sharing it with a trusted colleague, mentor, or supervisor is essential. "Confidential sunshine" is the place to remind yourself of your commitment to your profession and your clients and to build your ability to maintain and honor that commitment. However, with that said, choose cautiously and wisely which supervisor/mentor/colleague to share this information with. Not all clinicians will be non-judgmental and willing to help you walk yourself away from this particular professional dilemma. Do NOT share in a professional therapist supervision group; working this through with one valued and trusted colleague is far more likely to lead to a positive outcome than offering the information up to a group of people. Human nature is curious and voyeuristic. Your colleagues may value you greatly, but they may also value this information as a source of gossip and titillation.

1. Start to put boundaries in place immediately and then watch those boundaries work for you. When you notice you are thinking of what you should wear on the days that client has a session, instead of "dressing up" you should "dress down." Pay attention to paying a little less attention to your hair, make-up, and clothes. Make the effort to make less effort. Nothing sexy, nothing provocativetotal professionalism, but toned-down. This will be a subtle context cue for your client, but more importantly it will change how you carry yourself in the sessionyou will be presenting yourself as a professional, and your work will be enhanced.

1. Each time you are able to set these boundaries and watch them work for you, you will be able to accomplish something therapeutic in session with this client that reminds you of what a good therapist you are. It will reinforce your role, not just for the client but for you as well. You will be exchanging immediate gratification for commitment to long-term, valued goals. Your therapeutic skills will grow, and your confidence and belief in yourself as a professional will be enhanced.

1. So, you've done all of this, things are better, you haven't acted on your attraction and therapy is going pretty well, and yet . . . . .you find yourself still fantasizing about this client. Fantasizing isn't a crime; acting on this particular fantasy is the problem. Enjoy your fantasy life but expand itwatch a favorite sexy movie and enjoy your attraction to the famous actor or actressit's harmless and will help you walk your feelings away from your client and onto more casual (and safe) targets.

1. Remember that the jolt of an unexpected attraction is always appealing, and often addicting. Been married awhile, or in a long-term relationship? Have kids? Who wouldn't be thrilled by the electricity that ignites when you suddenly feel incredibly drawn to a new person? Enjoy the electricity, but plug it into a different outlet.

1. Feed what you hope will grow; if you feed your attraction, it will most likely grow and you will be more vulnerable to acting inappropriately. If you feed your professionalism instead, it will grow and you will be able to enjoy the benefits of becoming a more seasoned, wise, and aware therapist.