Read this and answer this $2$ questions. And choose a favorite quote and write you is your favorite quote thanks $\mathrm{.}1-$ What do you need most when you are in the box? after Tom becomes aware of the hypocrisy in his anger towards Laura $-$ or anyone he is in the box towards $-$for insight$)?2.$ What's your favorite quote from these two chapters and why?$-$think I understand it$,$ yes, I said slowly. I dont necessarily like it$,$ but I understand it$.$ I paused, still thinking of Laura. I think I have some work to do$.$ It was an interesting moment. For the first time that afternoon, I was fully open to what Bud and Kate were sharing with meopen to the possibility that I had a problem. More than open, actually. I knew I had a problem, and in some ways a big one. Until that moment, Id felt that giving in to the possibility that I had a problem would mean that I was the loser, that Id been wrestled to the ground, that Laura had won. But now it didnt seem that way at all. I felt in a strange way free and unencumbered. Laura didnt win, and I didnt lose. The world seemed much different from what it was the moment before. I felt hope. Amazingly, I felt hope in the moment I discovered I had a problem. I know what you mean, said Kate. I have a lot of work to do myself. Me too, Bud said, nodding. A moment or two passed in silence. We have one more thing to talk about, Bud said, and then I want to turn our discussion back to business and see what all this means for Zagrum. $14$ Collusion So far, Bud said, weve been examining the internal experience of someone whos in the box. But as you can imagine, my box can have quite an impact on others. Think about it$,$ he said, walking to the board. Suppose this is mein my box, he said, drawing a box with a stick figure in it$.$ If I am here in my box, what am I communicating to others? What are you communicating? Yes. Well youre blaming them, I guess. Exactly. And do you suppose other people are generally walking around saying to themselves, Gee, I really feel blameworthy today; I need someone to blame me$?$ I laughed. Yeah, right. I dont think so$,$ either, Bud said. Most people are generally walking around thinking something like, Look, Im not perfect, but doggone it$,$ Im doing just about as well as you could expect under the circumstances. And since most of us have self$-$justifying images were carrying around with us$,$ most people are already in a defensive posture, always ready to defend their self$-$justifying images against attack. So if Im in the box, blaming others, my blame invites them to dowhat? I guess your blame would invite them to be in the box. Thats right, he said, drawing a second person in a box. By blaming, I invite others to get in the box, and they then blame me for blaming them unjustly. But because I feel justified in blaming them while Im in the box, I feel that their blame is unjust and blame them even more. Of course, while theyre in the box, they feel justified in blaming me and feel that my further blame is unjust. So they blame me even more. And so on$.$ So$,$ by being in the box, I invite others to be in the box in response, he said, adding arrows pointing in both directions between the boxes. And others, by being in the box in response, invite me to stay in the box, like this. Then Bud added a sixth sentence to the principles he was writing about self$-$betrayal: You can put any flesh on these bones that youd like, Kate said, pointing to the diagram, and youll see that when someones in the box, the same pattern of mutual provocation and justification always emerges. Let me give you an example.the time? You said it seemed like youd get run over if you were out of the box all the time, seeing people as people. Yeah, I remember. And then we talked about how that question is misguided, because you can do almost any behaviorsoft, hard, whatevereither in the box or out of the box. Do you remember? Yes. Well, now we can say more about your question. Its an important question. Lets consider it in light of what Kate has just taught us$.$ Think of it this way: Who needs to be run overthe person who is in the box or the person who is out? The person in the box, I said, amazed by the implication. Thats right. Out of the box I get no mileage whatsoever in being run over. I dont need it$.$ And whats more, Im usually not doing anyone a favor by letting them run over me$.$ In the box, on the other hand, I get what I most need when Im run over: I get my justification. I get my proof that the person running over me is just as bad as Ive been accusing him or her of being. But in the box, you dont really want to be run over, do you? I asked. I mean, thats kind of strange. Kates story got me thinking about my son, Todd. Laura and I feel like we get run over sometimes, but I dont think either of us really wants that. Thats true, Bud responded. Were not saying that in the box we enjoy problems. Far from it; we hate them. In the box, it seems like theres nothing we would want more than to be out from under them. But remember, when were in the box, were self$-$deceivedwere blind to the truth about others and ourselves. And one of the things were blind to is how the box itself undercuts our every effort to obtain the outcomes we think we want. Bud walked over to the board. Think about Kates story again for a moment. He pointed at the diagram. Notice how her blaming from within the box provokes Bryan to be irresponsible, and then, when he is irresponsible, she takes that as justification for having blamed him in the first place for being irresponsible! Likewise, Bryans blaming provokes Kate to be on his case, and then, when she is on his case, he takes that as justification for having blamed her in the first place for being on his case! By the simple fact of being in the box,