This is my Essay that needs to be Revised. Directions are down below. Rewrite the essay with the operate corrections needed from the comments listed below. Use Quotes from the article please. It is lacking.

Article: Use Quotations and quote from the article down below.

Title: Taylor Swift's Eras Tour is a potent reminder that the internet is not reallife

In the weeks leading up to June 16, 2023, when I attended the Pittsburgh leg ofTaylor Swift's Eras Tour, the online chatter about the 33-year-old singer had become draining.

The internet was ablaze with rumors aboutSwift dating Matty Healy, the lead singer of the English pop-rock band The 1975. Some Swifties - the term used for diehard Taylor Swift fans - berated the pop superstar for dating Healy, who'd become mired in controversy for appearing on a podcast whose hostsmade racist comments about the rapper Ice Spice.

As the Pittsburgh leg of the tour approached, I wondered if I were about to dive headfirst into an angry mob of tens of thousands of Swifties.

On the day of the show, Acrisure Stadium was mobbed with 72,000 people, but the Swifties in attendance were far from angry.

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In that moment we became deeply connected by our shared love and admiration for Swift's music. Sociologist Emile Durkheim described this phenomenon as "collective effervescence," the unique surge in feeling when large groups of people come together for a shared purpose.

"It was rare, I was there, I was there," Swift belted out during "All Too Well."

I was there, too, as life events touched by Swift flashed by: sitting at my first desktop computer as a teenager in Kathmandu, Nepal, replaying "Love Story" on LimeWire; my first week in the U.S., during the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards, whenKanye West infamously interrupted Swift; how Swift's eighth studio album, "Folklore," brought me back to life after it seemed as if the world were on the verge of imploding in 2020.

Collective delusion

The Eras Tour was not my first experience of collective effervescence. Nor was it the first time I felt such a strong disconnect between the online and offline worlds.

Right before the pandemic began, there was the painfully quiet fizzling out of theBernie 2020 movement. As a volunteer for that campaign, I had the remarkable experience of connecting with other Americans who wanted a Bernie Sanders presidency.

I especially appreciated how this role connected me to the people who make up the Nepali diaspora in the U.S. We hoped to improve our immigrant experiences, whether it involved no longer fearing the deportation of loved onesor easier access to health care.

But then repeated news cycles about "toxic Bernie Bros" seemed to drain the movement's momentum. Mainstream media outlets reported that Sanders' base wasmade up of white male cyberbullies. Negative tweets had been amplified, and the words and behaviors of a few Sanders supporters all of a sudden were being portrayed as representative of an entire movement.

The contrast between what was being said online versus my own experiences was jarring: Here I was working to find transportation for 80-year-old Nepali grandmas who didn't speak English but wanted to vote for Sanders.

Post-election analysis would show that the Bernie Brotrope was entirely constructed; there was no evidence to show that young white men made up a majority of Sanders' supporters. The movement, in fact, consisted of a diversecoalition of people from marginalized races and genders.

Supporters of Sen. Bernie Sanders cheer during a Get Out to Caucus Rally in Las Vegas, Nev., on Feb. 21, 2020.Frederic J. Brown/AFP via Getty ImagesA vocal minority sets the agenda

Online narratives distort real life more often than you might realize.

Research consistently shows that a small minority of people who have social media accounts post the vast majority of content.

In what's termed the "90-9-1 rule," 90% of users on these websites only "lurk" or read content, 9% of the users reply or re-post with occasional new contributions, and only 1% of the users frequently create new content.

Pioneered by Jakob Neilson, the 90-9-1 rule isone of many theorieswithin internet studies that describe participation rates, and different scholars find support for different variations of this rule. Reddit, for example, hasover 1 billionmonthly active users, but according to a 2017 conference paper,an overwhelming majority of Reddit users are lurkers. X, the website and app formerly known as Twitter, hadaround 350 millionusers as of 2023; however, research from 2019 found that 75% of its userswere lurkers.

In other words, most of the discussions happening on websites like Reddit and Twitter come from a vocal minority of users -whose posts are then curated and boosted by algorithms.

Nonetheless, in the past decade, the news media have increasingly constructed narratives about collective reality based on what happens in these websites.

Of course, toxic online behavior exists in all online communities. But it represents the words of a smaller minority of users within the already small minority of people who post content online. Media narratives that emphasize certain groups as toxic based on online behavior - whether they are describing fandom or politics - fall into the trap of confusing the internet with real life.

In the weeks when Swift was dating Healy, a vocal minority of Swifties came head-to-head witha vocal minority of Healy's defenders. Then the celebrity pair ended their relationship, and collective attention moved on from that topic almost immediately.

Several weeks of nonstop debate, attacks and hand-wringing ended up being utterly meaningless - except to social media companies that converted this brief obsession into clicks, engagement and ad revenue.

My forthcoming book, "Attention and Alienation," brings renewed focus to an increasingly demystified phenomenon: The onlineattention economymaximizes profits by designingalgorithms that boost engagement, particularly by promoting negativity and outrage.

Oligarchy of the 'extremely online'

Sometimes the consequences of mistaking the internet for real life are dire.

Take reproductive health. Online rage aboutthe Supreme Court's decisions to overturn Roe. v. Wadepeaked within a few daysand people moved on to different topics.

Today, reports about reproductive health care take upvery little news media spacecompared with garden-variety trending topicslike "Barbenheimer"- the double blockbuster release of the movies "Barbie" and "Oppenheimer" on July 21, 2023.

In the real world, many people continue to suffer from lack of access to lifesaving reproductive health careacross the U.S., while the online chattering class celebrates theradical feminism of the "Barbie" movie.

Perhaps it's time to sideline social media and the internet when evaluating the nature of our collective reality. Reality exists outside of our devices, whereas social media algorithms push whatever keeps us tethered to the screen. There is little evidence to support the idea thatonline discourse represents collective experiences.

That might be easier said than done:94% of journalists say theyuse social media for their jobs.

But as an internet researcher - and Taylor Swift fan - I am hopeful that experiences like the Eras Tour will wake up more people to the fact that human beings are more united than social media algorithms would have us believe.

• Music
• Artificial intelligence (AI)
• Social media
• Internet
• Politics
• Books
• Algorithm
• Instagram
• Pop music
• Taylor Swift
• Bernie Sanders
• Reality
• Rage
• Concerts
• Engagement
• Taylor Swift's Eras Tour
• X (formerly Twitter)

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Comments on Peer Review Improvements for Revision :

I am not sure if you want to use the phrase "this essay"

I'd give some more solid evidence of this claim, potentially include her use of the word "swifties" and the fact that she attended the eras tour. These things served as an emotional appeal to other Taylor Swift fans and could strengthen your argument.

fix how the paragraph starts at the next page

I would add quotes or a specific sentence from the article that appeals to the readers' emotions

I think your body paragraphs could benefit from a few direct quote examples from Bhandari's writing.

I don't see the point in including this in your paper. It doesn't strengthenyour argument on why her personal experience helps her argument.

You should provide quotes or mention this evidence

I like that you've introduced a counterargument, but generally counterclaims should serve to enhance yourargument. Here you've only taken away from your points. I think you should make some claims that do appeal to logos. Bhandari mentioned "Post-election analysis would show that the Bernie Bro trope was entirely constructed; there was no evidence to show that young white men made up a majority of Sanders' supporters." This is a quote I would use to show that there is analytical evidence within her claims as well, not just emotional appeals.

1. What do you suggest as the single most important revision your peer could make?

Two things, I would introduce a few direct quotes from Bhandari's article to strengthen your body paragraphs. Secondly, I'd refute the counterclaim to strengthen your overall argument. I've left some comments on how I would personally do this.

1. Consider the extent to which the body paragraphs fulfill the promise made by the thesis. What, if anything, strays? What, if anything, would you like to have heard more about?

I think the body paragraphs, with the exception of the counterclaim, did a great job of fulfilling the thesis. There were clearly stated examples of how Bhandari's personal experiences assisted in appealing to Ethos and Pathos.

1. Do the body paragraphs of the paper seem focused and grow organically or do they jump from point to point, like a list of different discussion points? If the latter is true, which points seem like the best candidates for focus?

I think the body paragraphs flowed very nicely and were easy to follow along with.

What do you suggest as the single most important revision your peer could make?

I would use direct quotes of paraphrasing to further support the stance you hold. I would also add more analysis and

1. Consider the extent to which the body paragraphs fulfill the promise made by the thesis. What, if anything, strays? What, if anything, would you like to have heard more about?

The body paragraphs feel too short. I feel like the use of quotes and the analyzing of those quotes would serve the overall paper better.

1. Do the body paragraphs of the paper seem focused and grow organically or do they jump from point to point, like a list of different discussion points? If the latter is true, which points seem like the best candidates for focus?

The points seem to jump. Perhaps it feels this way due to the paragraphs being a bit short.

Assignment: Rhetorical Analysis Outline

In Aarushi Bhandari's article titled "Taylor Swift's Eras Tour is A Potent Reminder that the Internet is Not Real Life," published onThe Conversation, the author employs her personal experiences as a Taylor Swift fan, political campaign volunteer, and sociologist to advocate for the idea that the internet often distorts reality. This essay will argue that Bhandari's use of personal experience effectively bolsters her argument by enhancing her credibility, emphasizing the timeliness of the subject, and stimulating an emotional response from readers.

Bhandari's reliance on her personal experiences serves to enhance her credibility as an author. By establishing herself as a Taylor Swift fan and a sociologist, she presents herself as someone with firsthand knowledge of both the cultural phenomenon surrounding Swift and the broader societal implications of internet culture. This dual perspective lends weight to her argument, as she can speak authoritatively both as a fan invested in Swift's narrative and as an analyst observing the broader impact of internet culture.

Moreover, Bhandari's use of personal experience helps to emphasize the timeliness and urgency of her subject. By framing her argument within the context of Taylor Swift's "Eras Tour," she capitalizes on the current cultural moment, leveraging Swift's immense popularity to draw attention to the broader issue of online authenticity. This strategic choice not only makes her argument more relevant to contemporary readers

but also underscores the pervasive influence of internet culture on society at large. Additionally, Bhandari's personal anecdotes serve to stimulate an emotional response from readers, further strengthening her argument. By sharing her own experiences of engaging with Swift's online persona and witnessing the dissonance between virtual and real-life interactions, she encourages readers to reflect on their own experiences with internet culture. This emotional appeal fosters a sense of connection and empathy with the author, making her argument more persuasive and compelling.

However, while Bhandari effectively integrates her personal experiences into her argument, she could further strengthen her case by balancing anecdotal evidence with empirical data and research findings. While her personal insights offer valuable perspective, a more robust evidentiary foundation would enhance the credibility of her argument and appeal to a broader audience.

In conclusion, Aarushi Bhandari's use of personal experience in her article "Taylor Swift's Eras Tour is A Potent Reminder that the Internet is Not Real Life" effectively bolsters her argument by enhancing her credibility, emphasizing the timeliness of the subject, and stimulating an emotional response from readers. By strategically leveraging her unique perspective as both a fan and a sociologist, she crafts a compelling narrative that challenges readers to reconsider the authenticity of online interactions in the digital age.

This website link below you copy on your web Browser and will send you to the Taylor Swift article that you will be writing a minimum of 2 pages or more essay draft for this assignment. The information and instructions about writing the essay and what your writing about this article is explained down below.

Website: https://theconversation.com/taylor-swifts-eras-tour-is-a-potent-reminder-that-the-internet-is-not-real-life-209325

(2 pages minimum for this essay draft)

Paper #1 - Rhetorical Analysis

You will analyze how effectively an author develops and supports a claim to influence readers.

You're going to analyzeAarushi Bhandari's piece "Taylor Swift's Eras Tour is A Potent Reminder that the Internet is Not Real Life" and consider whether the author's reliance on her personal experience is an effective strategy for achieving her purpose. Your analysis will begin with athesisthat takes a position on this rhetorical choice: her reliance on her ethos as a Swift fan, political campaign volunteer, and sociologist along with the use of her first-person perspective. Then, you will need to dissect this choice to show how it is designed to impact or move her readers.

For example, youmight argue that Bhandari's use of first-person perspective and her own experience is an effective way to persuade readers, or you might argue thatBhandari relies on her personal experience too much to be effective. The first indicates that Bhandari uses her experience to Bolster her claims and the evidence she uses to support it; the second suggests that her use of her own experience detracts from her ability to develop her claim. Please note that the options above are just examples and not the only two available. Whatever you choose to argue, it is your job to identify and analyze the choices that Bhandari makes in building her argument.

An important part of this analysis assignment is to be able to identify the author's subject position and the rhetorical situation in which she is writing. Remember, the online publication in which Bhandari is writing,The Conversation, has a specific audience andmission statement and motto ("Academic rigor, journalistic flair") and it is important to consider how effectively this piece might meet those demands.

So, athesis statement for this piece would begin with you making a claim about how effective Bhandari's strategy is andwhy:

• "Bhandari's use of her personal experience is effective/persuasive because...[your reasons why]."
• "Berquist's use of personal experience is ineffective/undermines her argument because...[your reasons why not]."

NOTE:The key to writing an effective rhetorical analysis isnotto summarize the article. Instead, you need to consider thechoices the author makes in their attempt to persuade their audience. So, think about the following:

• First, Explore Bhandari's strategy and its relationship to her overall argument. Is it designed to...
  • Emphasize the timeliness or urgency of this subject?
  • Stimulate an emotional response?
  • Bolster the credibility of the writer or argument?
  • Challenge opposing points of view?

NOTE: that you might not find all of these questions relevant or, indeed, you may feel that there are other motivations behind this strategy.That's fine!)

• Bhandari's use of Evidence: Additionally, consider the ways that Bhandari integrates her personal experience with studies and statistics. Do you feel that she relies too heavily on anecdotal evidence (follow this link for a description of anecdotal evidence) or does it strengthen the other forms of evidence she offers?

• Next, take another look atBhandari's piece and think about the exact moments in the text, the specific words and phrases that helped to create an impact on youwhat led you to form your perspective on her strategies? This is essential pre-writing, asyou need to include specific examples and details from the text rather than broad generalizations.

Introduction (Introduce the subject - media narratives and their effects - and make sure this paragraph introduces therhetorical situation, includingauthorandtext).

The introduction is typically one paragraph and ends with a clearthesis statement (see examples on assignment sheet above).

Body of Paper This should be a series of paragraphs that move through the text to discuss how the author intentionally constructs this particular argument. The emphasis should be on choices the writer makes to convince readers and should focus on strategies to include certain types of information at particular moments in the article. Be sure to include examples from the text (quotations) to support your claims about the text.

Remember, our focus on Bhandari's use of first person and personal experience should help narrow the focus of your analysis to choices associated with this strategy.

Remember to divide your writing into separateparagraphs.

Conclude simply with a short paragraph reflecting on the writer's overall strategy

Include aWorks Cited page with the full citation for your article. This can be copied and pasted from the tab in Blackboard called "Bibliography." Please be attentive to the particular spacing of this page.

Works Cited is not required for the draft.