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The insult turns into a tool used to inflict emotional hurt and establish authority over another individual in a relationship conflict centered around envy. Individuals may experience strong emotions as a result of the dynamics of envy, making them feel vulnerable and threatened.  We have been close for years, Brooke and I. We have always encouraged one other's accomplishments and successes because we have similar interests. But as time goes on, I begin to feel jealous of Brooke's success. I feel trapped in comparison to Brooke since she appears to effortlessly succeed in all facets of life, whether it be in athletics, academics, or personal accomplishments. I find myself growing more and more resentful of Brooke's success as jealously sets in. I start to lash out with insults and subtle put-downs instead of addressing and dealing with my own issues. These remarks are purposefully made to undercut Brooke's self-assurance and elicit a response. Subtly, under the pretense of pleasant banter or passive-aggressive comments, the insults begin. I might make snarky remarks about Brooke's promotion, play down its importance or blame it on luck. The insults become harsher and blunter as the jealousy grows. I cast doubt on Brooke's skills and imply that they don't merit her achievement. In order to harm Brooke's reputation among their mutual acquaintances or coworkers, I might even circulate stories or talk about her. As Brooke begins to notice the insult pattern and the underlying jealousy, the argument gets worse. She initially dismisses it because she finds it hard to think that I, a close friend of hers, could feel this way. However, Brooke's confidence in friendship and her self-worth suffers as a result of the frequent insults.  The issue eventually deteriorates to the point where Brooke and I have a confrontation. Brooke addresses the insults and the harm I've caused during the argument, expressing her displeasure and perplexity at my actions. Brooke may initially deny feeling envious but may later admit it if she feels trapped.  At this time, the conflict may or may not be settled. There is a potential for reconciliation if we are willing to communicate honestly and deal with the underlying problems of envy and insecurity. The friendship, though, can be irreparably harmed if I continue to deny my envy and refuse to accept responsibility for my cruel behavior. Jealousy and insult-based interpersonal disagreements are difficult and emotionally taxing. They frequently necessitate sincere reflection, sensitivity, and a readiness to confront anxieties in order to find a way to resolution and personal development.

Cloke, K., & Goldsmith, J. (2012). Resolving conflicts at work, ten strategies for everyone on the job. (3rd ed.). San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.

ISBN: 9780470922248

Answer rating: 100% (QA)

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