Writing for Peer Review (349-350)

• Start with "Dear . . . "
• Follow with something you enjoyed about the draft
• Follow up with what you learned about how they see their own draft, refer to their Primary Post
• How does the title fit the draft? How could it be an even BETTER title?
• What does the beginning do to pull you in, or how could it pull you in MORE and give you the context you need?
• What's the thesis and how could it be more crisp or bold?
• Where do you see the support, the evidence, that supports the thesis? Where would you like to see more support?
• Where do you get enough detail and where do you need more?
• Where do you have enough transition and where are you missing a transition?
• What does the ending do for you? What does it leave you thinking about?
• What is it missing in terms of the format of a Textual Analysis?
• Where are you unsure what the words are meant to convey?

Dear Peers,

I provided a short summary in the very beginning of my slide so that other students/audience members could understand what the slide and my section was about. ".... focuses on encouraging the audience to spread racial equality throughout the country."

Not only did I use simplicity in my vocabulary and my paragraphs, but I also used vocabulary out of the lesson for the week. This makes it so other students and peers can easily understand my point and my slide.

I used an image of two individuals of different races to illustrate racial equality. I also added a media clip of the section of the speech I analyzed.

In my section of the speech, Dr. King speaks about Racial Equality, claiming that one day equality has the potential to spread all over the nation, and that everyone will sing of that freedom. He uses several rhetorical devices to support his points. He uses Pathos devices such as the lyrics from "America the Beautiful" to invoke intense emotion through Patriotism and passion. He also uses Pathos to incite fire and excitement from his audience by saying, "...where all God's children will be able to sing together with new meaning...". Another example would be the use of Kairos with the same phrase as the last phrase, using the device to make his words sound factual and accurate.

This evidence holds up since the example of phrases I chose match up with the definition of each device according to the "Summarizing, Paraphrasing, and Quoting" chapter ofRelaying & Responding(pg. 81-96).It is important to refer to those pages of the guide for further comparison and evidence to support my thesis.

In the beginning paragraph or the first time I use each Rhetorical characteristic, I could use the definition in parentheses to remind or give the writer a clearer understanding of the examples. In that way it's simplified to cater to readers of all levels

Defining words like Kairos and Pathos would benefit the readers. As stated above, I could easily add definitions to improve the slides and the clarity of my examples. I could use modern day comparisons along with the speeches to show relatability. This could prove to be easier to understand for the audience.

I pulled examples from the text of Dr. King's speech, which is an example of a Textual Analysis. I would like to do more research to see if a textual analysis of a speech would require a citation.

Using words like "also", "then", and "in the next line," are a simple way to bridge paragraphs and continue to the next paragraph.

I believe that my slide is clear, concise, and contextual.

I used the quote "-Free at last!" to summarize the point of this section of the speech. I chose this specific quote because I feel it sums up that Dr. King is trying to set the audience's visions to a future of racial equality.

I am contemplating maybe adding a zesty beginning to catch the audience's attention. I'm not sure what to add yet, but the beginning seems a little dry and ordinary.

To be honest, I'm not sure what exactly to add to the end to make it more interesting. I'm hoping to get some pointers from you, my peers, to make this slide better.

I positioned my visuals to come after the title so that the quote would be followed by an illustration of what the quote meant.

I have cited sources in quotations, but as far as additional citations, I'm nervous it won't fit on the one slide. An additional slide for citations may be in order.

I don't see anything wrong in terms of grammar or punctuation, so I am counting on you, my peers, to help me find any errors on my work.

When I first began with my topic, I thought I was going to go deeper than I did. I was hoping for my own Pathos, so to speak. But as I did some thinking, writing and research about the topic, my ideas changed and I thought the words speak for themselves, and any embellishment would reverse all of Dr. Kings efforts.

I knew exactly which section I wanted to choose, because this section gave me the most passion and moved my heart the most.

The hardest part I faced while writing didn't come until the self-assessment. Why this was so difficult for me, I have no idea. I am writing this while watchingEat, Pray, Love and somehow that has given me motivation to end self-assessment. Ironic, I know. It took a few extra days for me to get my writer's block unstuck. I needed time to rest and think.

Again, I am seeking advice from you, my peers. This is my draft that was organized from the section of speech I chose from Dr. King, section 7. Whatever advice I get, whether I take it or not, I will not ignore it.

Thank you all, and I look forward to your input.