Document for Analysis: Poorly Written Procedure E-Mail

Your Task.
Analyze the following poorly written e-mail message, and list its specific weaknesses. If your instructor directs, revise it.
To: Faith Benoit
From: Mia Murillo
Subject: Equipment Repairs
Cc:
We have recently instituted a new procedure for all equipment repairs. Effective immediately, we are no longer using the “Equipment Repair Form” that we formerly used. We want to move everyone to an online database system. These new procedures will help us repair your equipment faster and keep track of it better. You will find the new procedure at www.BigWebDesk.net. That’s where you log in. You should indicate the kind of repair you need. It may be for AudioVisual, Mac, PC, or Printer. Then you should begin the process of data entry for your specific problem by selecting “Create New Ticket.” The new ticket should be printed and attached securely to the equipment. Should you have questions or trouble, just call Sylvia at Extension 255. You can also write to her at Sylvia.Freeman @stcc.edu. The warehouse truck driver will pick up and deliver your equipment as we have always done in the past.