4. Achieving Conciseness by Eliminating Clutter. e) For each and every customer who is dissatis- Edit and revise the following sentences by elimi- fied, there isn't only a sale that is lost, there nating noun conversions, long lead-ins, expletive is a lifetime value of that customer that is lost constructions, prepositional phrases, and relative as well. clauses. 5. Achieving Conciseness by Eliminating Redun- Sample: The company undertook action that dancies and Repotition. Revise the following was decisive despite the fact that sentences to eliminate obvious statements and the resources it had were limited. unnecessary repetition Revision: The company acted decisively de- Sample: Her sister is a woman who works spite its limited resources. as an investment advisor at Forest a) It was a clerk from accounting who located the Financial spreadsheets that had been missing. Revision: Her sister is an investment advisor b) A senior engineer will complete an inspection at Forest Financial of the safety requirements and, if necessary, a) If you refer back to the final section of the make changes to them. report, you will see that the recommendations c) By and large, it is our assumption that share suggest we should continue on with the cur prices have been sagging due to the fact rent profit-sharing plan that there is by all accounts weakness in this b) In view of the fact that your freight has not particular sector. arrived as scheduled, we have asked our su- d) In response to your letter of August 16 that pervisor of shipping to make the necessary was received August 18, we cannot act in ac- inquiries. cordance with your express wishes in making a During the course of the meeting, the need refund due to the fact that the warranty of the for mutual co-operation was brought to product you purchased from us has expired. our attention. Differentiate between Personal and Impersonal Styles 6. Writing Conversationally and Informally. Re- The customer service department should write the following sentences in a less formal, continue to monitor all calls for purposes of impersonal style quality control. Sample: Subscription rates have increased 7. Writing Informally. Lessen the formality of the following e-mail message. by less than 5 per cent. Revision: I am sorry to tell you that subscrip It is most important to note that, as of today. tion rates have increased by less advertisements for departmental job open- than 5 per cent ings must be routed through the human re- sources department. This improvement is a) Those interested in volunteering for the United Way fundraising committee should inform made in accordance with the company's human resources at their earliest convenience. commitment to efficiency and operating ex- b) Supervisors should discipline brokers who use penditure reduction. Following this new pro- discriminatory language when communicating cedure will save employees work and enable with clients and co-workers. human resources to help employees till their openings more quickly