4

Your Task. Revise the following sentences and paragraphs using lists and category headings, if appropriate. Improve parallel construction and readability while reducing wordiness.

Revise the following paragraph by incorporating a bulleted list.

This information is to let you know that a high-powered MBA program costs hundreds of dollars an hour. However, our program covers the same information. That information includes entrepreneurship tips as well as how to start a business. You will also learn information about writing a business plan and understanding taxes. In addition, our MBA program covers how to go about writing a marketing feasibility study. Another important topic that our program covers is employment benefits plans.

Revise the following with a concise introductory paragraph plus a bulleted list of tips.

Unadvertised, or hidden, jobs may make up as much as 80 percent of unfilled openings, according to Fred Coon, a licensed employment agent. To uncover hidden jobs, Coon suggests that those entering the workforce think about joining industry groups. Associations, chambers of commerce, and Toastmasters are excellent places where job applicants can make valuable contacts before they are needed. Coon also suggests talking to insiders. Insights from those already in the industry can help new workers learn how to best chart their career paths. Another way to find hidden jobs is to search company websites. Many companies post openings only on their corporate websites.

Revise the following dense, wordy paragraph to create an introductory sentence plus a bulleted list.

We all know that ATMs are quick and convenient for accessing your money, especially if you are having a cash emergency. But not everyone uses an ATM safely. To do so, there are a few procedures that you can follow to feel safe. First, dont use an ATM unless it is located in a well-lit area that is also busy. This is especially important after nightfall. Next, a careful person will look around to see if there are any suspicious people loitering about. Its always wise to use a challenging PIN, which should have more than four letters or numbers. When you approach the ATM machine, check it out. Do you see any false fronts or anything doubtful? Finally, you must always protect your PIN. One way to do that is by placing your hand over the keypad to act as a shield.

From the following wordy paragraph, create a concise introductory statement plus a bulleted list with category headings.

This is to inform you that our on-site GuruGeek computer technicians can provide you with fast, affordable solutions to residential and also to small business clients. Our most popular offerings include antivirus security. This service involves having our GuruGeek protect your computer against viruses, worms, and spyware as well as help you avoid e-mail attacks, identity theft, and malicious hacker programs. Our wireless networking service enables you to share Internet access through a single wireless router so that many computer users use one network at the same time. They are all using the same network. Another popular service is data backup and recovery. Our technicians focus on helping small businesses and home users protect their data without making an investment of a lot of time and energy.