As discussed in Chapter 8 Managing Interpersonal Conflict, generally and perhaps especially in conflict situations, I-messages are less likely to aggravate conflict than you-messages. Recognizing a conflict starter earlyan incident that signals the beginning of an interpersonal conflictcan often diffuse a later and more extensive conflict. For example, here are some accusatory comments using you-messages.

Turn each of these into an I-message and answer the following questions:

-What do you see as the major difference between you-messages and I-messages?

I-messages:

1. You never listen to anyone, and youre not really listening to me now.
2. All you do is sit at home and watch cartoons; you never do anything useful.
3. Well, there goes another anniversary that you forgot.
4. You never want to do what I want. We always have to do what you want.
5. Listen to me; I am trying to help you!