( business writing )

highlight with different color please

Chapter 2: Computer-supported analysis of a business document Review the following business message that fails to use international English and edit it to make it more suitable for global audiences. Highlight all your changes in a different colour. You need to find: 1 date error 3 spelling errors 4 idiomatic expressions I case of ethnic/cultural discrimination I capitalization error 1 case of complex word use 2 cases of wrong word choice/poor tone I case of word repetition 1 phrase of exaggeration 2015 December 9 Mr. Kim Wong-Lee Beiging 102208, China Dear Mr. Wong, It's not every day that you have the chance to get in on the ground floor of a deal, but Off-Wall Street Mutual can roll the dice in your financial future. Give me a moment to convince you. By becoming a member of our international investing group for just under $250, you can ensure your success. We know all the ins and outs of long-term investing and can save you a bundle. Our Chinese analysts are the experts of the business and always look hard for the most propitious business deals, the stocks we select with your interests in mind are absulutely safe and not nearly so costly for you. Unlike any of your ineffective local agents, we can save you money by investing your money. We are frugal with our clients' initial investments, but we can transform those investments into pure gold. I am enclosing a brochure for you to study, and I really hope you will examine it carefully. You would be foolish to let a deal like Off-Wall Street Mutual pass you by. Feel free to call me for more information. Sinsirely, Jack Bonham PSK Private Banking