Can you fix this essay with

Avoid 2nd person point of view. Check the font and point size of the essay. Your thesis should be your position and reasons. Be more formal with your writing. Each paragraph should lead with a topic sentence announcing the reason you will be providing. I need more specific proof.
https://alamo.instructure.com/courses/1496220/assignments/14504776/submissions/3939115?download=229955454