CHAPTER 7

Seeking, Receiving, and Giving Feedback

There are two things that people want more than sex and money . . . recognition and praise. Every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, Make me feel important. If you can do that, youll be a success not only in business, but in life too.Mary Kay Ash, founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics

The more high technology around us, the more the need for the human touch. John Nesbitt, author of Megatrends

The way the positive reinforcement is carried out is more important than the amount. B. F. Skinner, author and psychologist

Learning Objectives

• Explain the importance of not only giving feedback as a leader, but also seeking and receiving feedback.
• Identify and use the elements of effective listening in the leader role.
• Describe the key challenges of delivering feedback effectively.
• Explain and demonstrate the steps of coaching one-on-one.
• Summarize the value and uses of 360-degree feedback as a mechanism of both feedback receiving and coaching.

Mary Kay Ash, founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics, was quite the leader. She was certainly spot on with the above quote in which she highlights the important role of leaders as feedback givers, especially as a means of providing positive reinforcement. But feedback is not a one-way street. It is also important for leaders to seek, and then appropriately receive, feedback. All three aspects of feedbackseeking, receiving, and givingcan present challenges for leaders. For example, if leaders do not appropriately give feedback, followers will likely lack motivation.

On the other hand, if leaders do not seek and receive feedback, they cannot continually learn about themselves and others. John Donahoe is the CEO of ServiceNow, a cloud computing company with 6,000 employees and the former CEO of eBay. Hes a big believer in the importance of feedback and claims that Feedback is a gift . . . if youre too proud to learn and growyoure dead. Hamid Moghadan, the CEO of Prologis, the worlds leading industrial real estate firm, observes that Leaders dont hear the truth as often or in as much detail as they need to. The only effective solution is for leaders to seek out and take in feedback from others.

In this chapter, we first address the leaders attention to the seeking and receiving of feedback. Then we devote attention to the giving of feedback, including potential problems that can occur. In our consideration of feedback giving, we pay special attention to the process of one-on-one coaching. Finally, we consider the leaders role, as both receiver and giver, in a popular feedback process known as 360-degree feedback.

7.1 Seeking and Receiving Feedback as a Leader

Leaders attempt to influence others, and for that very reason alone, it is especially important for leaders to understand how they come across to others. The way that leaders can form an accurate understanding is through their seeking and receiving feedback. Unfortunately, it is not always so simple. People vary in the extent to which they are motivated to seek and constructively receive feedback. There are essentially three types of feedback seekers in terms of their potential goals when it comes to receiving feedback: (1) avoidant, (2) performance prove, and (3) learning. An avoidant orientationAn orientation for receiving feedback that involves avoiding failure and negative evaluations on the part of others. involves avoiding failure and negative evaluations on the part of others. In other words, the feedback receiver takes steps to avoid negative feedback. A performance prove orientationAn orientation for receiving feedback whereby the focus is on seeking and filtering feedback that will confirm ones competence. is similar except that these individuals do attempt to seek and filter feedback that will confirm ones competence. Either way, these two learning orientations only allow for the intake of positive feedback. However, leaders may best learn from feedback that is not always so positive.

Indeed, it is very likely that feedback seekers who are either avoidant or performance prove will have what can be referred to as blind spots. These are problems for which a leader may not be aware, but could nevertheless hinder his or her effectiveness or career progression. Blind spots can obviously pertain to more negative aspects of ones behavior, such as indecisiveness, or even aggressiveness and abusiveness. But it could even refer to more seemingly positive aspects of behavior, such as being too much of a nice guy by refusing to take actions that could harm others, even if those actions would foster the greater good. For example, a leader could be blind to the fact that he needs to confront and discipline an employee who is causing problems with other team members, and thus damaging the morale of the rest of the team.

Accordingly, the most constructive form of feedback seeking and receiving for people in general, and perhaps leaders in particular, is what has been termed a learning orientationAn orientation for receiving feedback that involves a desire for betterment (i.e., in terms of behavior, knowledge, and skills) through ones broad effort to both seek and receive feedback, positive and negative.. This orientation involves a desire for betterment (i.e., in terms of behavior, knowledge, and skills) through ones broad effort to both seek and receive feedbackpositive and negative. Individuals with a learning orientation are less likely to have blind spots, at least for extended periods of time, since they are active feedback seekers and receivers. To get a better feel for how these orientations pertain to you personally, try answering the statements posed in Chapter 7, Section 4 Appendix: Feedback Orientation Survey. Do you personally want to learn through feedback, or is feedback something to be avoided or simply used to confirm your worth and accomplishments?

Receiving Feedback Through Listening

A learning orientation will make one more predisposed toward learning from negative feedback. In other words, it shows a willingness or motivation to improve based on feedback. However, a learning orientation does not guarantee that such learning will occur. To truly follow through and be a good feedback receiver, one must also be a good listener. In the modern world, the notion of listening now extends beyond face-to-face interactions to include how one processes and responds to information that is received in a virtual medium, such as chat or email.

Listening involves many elements, but here we emphasize three things: (1) listen actively and avoid distractions, (2) listen more and speak less, and (3) avoid quick judgments. Active listening involves such obvious things as eye contact and occasional nodding in response to what the other person is saying. But it also involves asking probing or clarifying questions. The goal of such questioning should not be gotcha or one-upmanship. Instead, the goal should be a better understanding of what is being communicated. In addition, the listener should avoid distractions. In this increasingly technological, multi-tasking world, the avoidance of distractions is easier said than done. Individuals, including leaders, are subject to multiple demands or projects, have cell phones that are constantly active, and so forth. So being focused and in the moment, or what is also known as mindfulness, is not easy to achieve, but nevertheless, is a necessity to effectively listen and receive feedback.

There is a tendency when one listens to negative feedback to want to immediately fire back with clarifications, excuses, or counter-informationand to even do so while talking over the person who is providing feedback. However, it is important to essentially hold ones fire, and simply take in the feedback. In so doing, the leader or feedback recipient shows respect toward the person who is providing the feedback.

In addition to allowing the other individual to provide feedback without immediately firing back, the leader should avoid quick judgments about the feedback provider. People in general have a tendency to form quick judgments or attributions about the motives and behaviors of others. For example, when receiving negative feedback, an individual may quickly size up the feedback provider as callous, uninformed, unfair, and so forth. The problem is that such quick judgments can cloud our understanding and positive use of the information that we receive. As stated in more detail below, communication senders should avoid speaking in terms of judgments and attributions. But at the same time, when leaders are communication receivers, they should try to look beyond judgments and attributions in order to learn from feedback.

Chapter 7.4 Appendix: Feedback Orientation Survey

7.4 Appendix: Feedback Orientation Survey

Respond to the following statements. If the statement is mostly true of you or your beliefs, then respond T. If it is mostly false regarding you or your beliefs, respond F.

Statement	Answer
1. I cant stand to hear about my failures.
2. If somebody wants to give me negative feedback, I would just as soon that they keep it to themselves.
3. I tend to get physically upset when I hear bad or unfavorable things about me.
4. I try to avoid situations where my failures or imperfections might be seen by others.
5. If I have to receive feedback, I would much rather that it reveals my competencies, rather than exposing my imperfections.
6. I believe that the only good reason for getting feedback is to receive acknowledgement from others regarding ones positive traits or performance.
7. I know that I am competent, and I like to hear others confirm my perception of myself.
8. I only want to hear when others have good things to say about me.
9. I feel like I can definitely learn when others provide me with negative feedback.
10. The primary goal of getting feedback should be to learn and improve, not to get praise from others.
11. Its not so important to get feedback unless that feedback provides information that will allow me to improve myself.
12. I try to embrace, rather than avoid, information that will reveal my weaknesses or faults.

Scoring

Questions 14 reflect an avoidant orientation; questions 58 reflect a performance prove orientation, and questions 912 reflect a learning orientation. Add up the number of T responses that you had for each orientation. If that score is 3 or 4 on a given orientation, this means that you are especially oriented in that direction in terms of seeking and receiving feedback. For example, a score of 4 on learning orientation would suggest that you truly desire feedback, even if it is negative.

Questions to Answer:

How do you stack up in terms of your feedback orientation in the Chapter 7, Section 4 Appendix: Feedback Orientation Survey of this chapter? Are you satisfied with your scores, and if not, what might you do (or think) differently in order to realize different scores?

If someone was attempting to coach you, which of the steps in Table 7.1 do you think is the most critical in order to ensure your development? Why?

What is the self versus other gap in Table 7.1 all about, and why is it important for a coach to understand?

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