Conciseness, Cohesion, and Coherence Directed Learning ActivityStyle 03 Essential Question What are conciseness, cohesion, and coherence and how will they help improve the flow of my writing? Purpose Upon completion of this activity, students will be able to define the terms \"conciseness,\" \"cohesion,\" and \"coherence\" and to apply the principles to pieces of writing. This DLA should take approximately 1 to 2 hours to complete. Before You Begin Read through the "Conciseness, Cohesion, and Coherence\" handout. Then, answer the following: 1} What are the three principles of a clear, effective style in your writing? 2) Define conciseness, cohesion, and coherence in your own words. 3) To be more concise, what three things should be cut from your writing? 4) What are the two principles of cohesion? 5} What three parts of a sentence do readers remember most? List them in order and briefly explain each of them in your own words 6) Using a sentence from one of your own essays, provide an example of cohesion that mimics the examples in the presentation. 7) Inwhat two ways is coherence created? 8) Mimicking the examples in the presentation, write or revise two sentences from your writing that shows you understand the principles of conciseness, cohesion, and coherence. Conciseness, Cohesion, and Coherence Exercise From Mordquist, Richard. \"Cohesion Exercise: Building and Connecting Sentences Using Transitional Words and Phrases.\" aboutEducation. 2015. Web. 6 July 2015, Instructions Combine the sentences in each set into two clear and concise sentences, eliminating any needless repetition. As you do so, add a transitional word or phrase (in itafics at the head of each set) to the beginning of the second sentence to show how it relates to the first, After you have completed the exercise, compare your sentences with the originals. Keep in mind that many combinations are possible, and in some cases, you may prefer your own sentences to the original versions. 1) Instead * Retirement should be the reward of a lifetime of work. * |tis widely viewed as a sort of punishment. * |tisa punishment for growing old. 2) Therefore 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8) 9) In recent years viruses have been shown to cause cancer in chickens. Viruses have been shown to cause cancer in mice, cats, and even in some primates. Viruses might cause cancer in humans. This is a reasonably hypothesis. We do not seek solitude. If we find ourselves alone for once, we flick a switch. We invite the whole world in. The world comes in through the television screen. On the contrary We were not irresponsible. * Fach of us should do something. * This thing would be of genuine usefulness to the world. * \\We were trained to think that. However * |ittle girls, of course, don't take toy guns out of their hip pockets. s Theydo not say "Pow, pow\" to all their neighbors and friends. * The average well-adjusted little boy does this, * |fwe gave little girls the six-shooters, we would soon have double the pretend body count. Next * 'We drove the wagon close to a corner post, * We twisted the end of the wire around it. We twisted the wire one foot above the ground. * We stapled it fast. * We drove along the line posts. * We drove for about 200 yards. * We unreeled the wire on the ground behind us. Indeed + We know very little about pain. * What we don't know makes it hurt all the more. * There is ignorance about pain. + No form of illiteracy in the United States is so widespread. * No form of illiteracy in the United States is so costly. Moreover * Many of our street girls can be as vicious as any corporation president. * Many of our street girls can be as money mad as any corporation president. # They can be less emotional than men. They can be less emotional in conducting acts of personal violence, For this reason The historical sciences have made us very conscious of our past. They have made us conscious of the world as a machine. The machine generates successive events out of foregoing ones. Some scholars tend to look totally backward. They look backward in their interpretation of the human future. 10) However Rewriting is something that most writers find they have to do. They rewrite to discover what they have to say. The rewrite to discover how to say it There are a few writers who do little formal rewriting. They have capacity and experience. They create and review a large number of invisible drafts. They create and review in their minds. They do this before the approach the page. Review your answers with an instructor or tutor in the Virtual Writing & Reading Center. Be sure you can answer the essential question above. Improving Your Writing Style: Conciseness, Cohesion, and Coherence Designed by Duke University's Writing Studio Announcement This Power Point slide presentation is not designed to take the place of a group workshop, where you are given handouts and have an opportunity to work with your own writing. It does, however, provide an overview of the topic for those who haven't taken the workshop and a useful refresher for those who have. \"Have something to say, and say it as clearly as you can. That is the only secret of style.\" =Matthew Arnold \"And how is clarity to be achieved? Mainly by taking trouble; and by writing to serve people rather than to impress them.\" =F, L. Lucas Three Principles of an Effective Style 1) Conciseness 2) Cohesion 3} Coherence Conciseness \"I do believe more in the scissors than | do the pencil.\" =Truman Capote \"Some of my dearest and beloved bits of writing have gone with a very quick slash, slash, slash.... Because something was heavy there. Cutting leads to economy, precision, and to a vastly improved script.\" =Paddy Chayefsky Cut repetition and redundancy. * Delete meaningless words. * Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words. & Delete words implied by other words. # Replace a phrase with a word. * Change negatives to affirmatives. Original TV \"reality\" shows, because they have an appeal to our fascination with real life conflict because of our voyeuristic impulses, are about the most popular shows that are regularly scheduled to appear on TV. Rewvision "Reality\" shows are the most popular shows on TV because they appeal to our voyeuristic tendencies. Original Productivity actually depends on certain factors that basically involve psychology more than any particular technology. Rewvision Productivity depends on psychology rather than on technology. Delete Unnecessary \"Which's\" and \"That's.\" Criginal Of the areas of science important to our future, few are more promising than genetic engineering, which is a new way of manipulating the elemental structural units of life itself, which are the genes and chromosomes that tell our cells how to reproduce to become the parts that constitute our bodies. Revision Many areas of science are important to our future, but few are more promising than genetic engineering. It offers a new way of manipulating the elemental structural units of life itself, the genes and chromosomes that tell our cells how to reproduce to become the parts constituting our bodies. Choose between the active or passive voice, basing your choice on the situation and on discipline- specific conventions. Identify the passive voice by using this formula: any combination of the verb to be and a past participle. Is, are +..ed, ..t ..d ..en Was, were Am, be Passive The play is an allegorization of the conception and development of a new concept of justice delivered by the character Angelo and embodied in the character of the Duke. To change from passive to active voice, ask yourself Who's doing what? or What's doing what? Then restructure the sentence to put the subject in front of the action verb. Active The play allegorizes the new concept of justice that Angelo delivers and the Duke embodies. Cohesion Cohesion refers to the sense of sentence-by-sentence flow by which we move easily through a passage. Should We Use the Passive? * The collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble creates a black hole. * Ablack hole is created by the collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble. Which Passage is Cohesive? * Some astonishing questions about the nature of the universe have been raised by scientists studying black holes in space. The collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no longer than a marble creates a black hole. So much matter compressed into so little volume changes the fabric of space around it in puzzling ways. * Some astonishing questions about the nature of the universe have been raised by scientists studying black holes in space. A black hole is created by the collopse of o dead star into a point perhaps no farger than a marble. So much matter compressed into so little volume changes the fabric of space around it in puzzling ways. What's the Difference? # The sentence with the passive voice causes the paragraph to flow better. * |t connects easily to the sentence that precedes it and the sentence that follows. The First Principle of Cohesion: Old First * Beginyour sentences with information familiar to your readers. o This can be information you've recently introduced within the text. o This can be brought to the text with the general knowledge of the audience. The Second Principle of Cohesion: New Last * Endyour sentences with information your readers cannot anticipate. The Principle of Cohesion as a Law of Cognition * The principle of old-before-new is built into our reception of time and story. * The principle forms the conceptual basis of the introduction or background sections of an essay. What Cohesion Means for Your Sentence Beginnings * Don't begin a sentence with a bit of new information. * Don't begin a sentence with a bit of technical information. * Use your openings to refer back to previous material or gently introduce a new topic. What Cohesion Means far Your Sentence Endings * Don't end a sentence with old information. * Pyt the new, technical, and difficult information at the end of the sentence. * Clearly signal when the end of a sentence begins. &g \"But Then My Point Will Be Lost! # Ending sentences with new and important information is counter-intuitive. * We want to put the new information first, to \"highlight\" it. * But if readers don't understand its importance, placing it first will not help. * Besides, we remember what's last anyway. What Readers Remember from Sentences * First: the sentence ending * Second: the sentence beginning * Last: the sentence middle Topic and Stress in a Sentence # The beginning of your sentence is its topic: it's what the sentence is about, * The end of the sentence is its stress: it's what the sentence delivers. Topic (the \"beginning\") Stress (the \"ending\") Old, familiar, simple information linking back to Mew, complex, unfamiliar information linking previous sentences forward Practice Exercise Look at the first three sentences of a paragraph you've written. Check to see if your sentences start with old information and end with new. Coherence Coherence refers to the overall sense of unity in a passage. Passage As a reminder, please promptly return the lecture notes you borrowed. Slide the notes under my door if | am not there. | may become agitated if you are late, much like my uncle Chester after several egg nogs on Christmas Eve. Most Christmases | liked to stay up and open my stockings after midnight. Staying up late was exciting and would be repeated a week later at New Year's. 5o would Uncle Chester's disgraceful behavior. Cohesion vs. Coherence * The previous example is cohesive. o Each sentence connects with the next and the previous. o Sentences begin with familiar information. o Sentences end with new information, * But the previous example is incoherent, o The paragraph has no sense of focus. o Each sentence shifts tropic from the previous, How Coherence is Destroyed # [you] return the lecture notes... * [you] slide the notes under my door... * | may become... * Most Christmases | liked... * Staying up late was exciting... * Uncle Chester... Coherence is Established in Two Ways s Readers identify the topics of individual sentences clearly. * Topics of sentences come in a connected set (usually a paragraph). \"Sometimes | will stay up in my room for o day trying to get two sentences that will flow, that will seem as if they were always there.\" =Maya Angelou Summary of Key Points 1} Conciseness: Cut repetition. 2} Cohesion: Connect sentences by moving from old to new. 3) Coherence: Create thematic continuity in passages. The End \"Nobody should suppose that good writingthe kind that says what it means while being pleasant to readhas ever been eosy.\" =lacques Barzun Resources * Schedule regular Writing Studio appointments. & Check \"Resources for Writers\" for helpful links on style. * Check the Writing Studio Library for useful books on style. o Revising Prose by Richard Lanham o Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace by loseph M. Williams o Style: The Basics of Clarity and Grace by loseph M. Williams o The Elements of Style by William Strunk and E. B, White