Habit 5: Listen Empathically & Seek to Be Understood

Part One: Seek First to Understand 1. Reflect on what you have learned about empathic listening. a. How does it feel when someone doesn't listen to you? b. Think of a time when someone listened to youhow did it feel? c. Why is it critical that we seek first to understand to understand others when a conversation is emotionally charged? 2. Think about one or two times in your life when you have NOT sought to understand another. a. What happened? b. How could seeking first to understand have improved the outcome of these situations? 3. Now consider one to two instances where you DID seek first to understand. 4. What were the results?

Part Two: Empathic Listening Practice 1. Practice empathic listening by asking someone you know to describe an issue or situation in their work or personal life that they feel strongly about. a Listen empathetically by reflecting the person's feelings and what is being said (words). Use the formula "You feel_________about_________." Remember: Don't start with a question just listen to understand the person without probing, judging, advising, or sharing your opinionand reflect how they might be feeling and what they said. You are simply listening to understand their situation and how they feel about it. 2. Describe your experience: a. What went well? b. What, if anything, was difficult about this exercise? c. How would you do the exercise differently if you repeated it?

Part Three: Then to be Understood 1. Think of a time when you had a conflict in your personal or work life. This does not need to be a major conflict; it may just be a simple situation where you were trying to be understood. a. How would using "I" messages have made a difference in being understood? (Note: if you did use "I" messages in the situation, explain what you said.) b. Write some possible "I" phrases you could have used or did use. c. What are the benefits of using "I" messages? d. Practice using "I" messages this weekrecord the experience.