Read this and answer the question $.$

$1.$can someone else put you in the box $?-$

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So far, Bud said, weve been examining the internal experience of someone whos in the box. But as you can imagine, my box can have quite an impact on others. Think about it$,$ he said, walking to the board. Suppose this is mein my box, he said, drawing a box with a stick figure in it$.$ If I am here in my box, what am I communicating to others? What are you communicating? Yes. Well youre blaming them, I guess. Exactly. And do you suppose other people are generally walking around saying to themselves, Gee, I really feel blameworthy today; I need someone to blame me$?$ I laughed. Yeah, right. I dont think so$,$ either, Bud said. Most people are generally walking around thinking something like, Look, Im not perfect, but doggone it$,$ Im doing just about as well as you could expect under the circumstances. And since most of us have self$-$justifying images were carrying around with us$,$ most people are already in a defensive posture, always ready to defend their self$-$justifying images against attack. So if Im in the box, blaming others, my blame invites them to dowhat? I guess your blame would invite them to be in the box. Thats right, he said, drawing a second person in a box. By blaming, I invite others to get in the box, and they then blame me for blaming them unjustly. But because I feel justified in blaming them while Im in the box, I feel that their blame is unjust and blame them even more. Of course, while theyre in the box, they feel justified in blaming me and feel that my further blame is unjust. So they blame me even more. And so on$.$ So$,$ by being in the box, I invite others to be in the box in response, he said, adding arrows pointing in both directions between the boxes. And others, by being in the box in response, invite me to stay in the box, like this. Then Bud added a sixth sentence to the principles he was writing about self$-$betrayal: You can put any flesh on these bones that youd like, Kate said, pointing to the diagram, and youll see that when someones in the box, the same pattern of mutual provocation and justification always emerges. Let me give you an example. I have an $18-$year$-$old son named Bryan. And to be frank, hes been a struggle. One of the things that really bugs me is that he frequently gets home late. Id been so caught up in thinking about Laura that Id nearly forgotten my troubles with Todd. The mere thought of him now, in response to Kates comment about her boy, darkened my mood. Now imagine that Im in the box toward Bryan. If I am$,$ how do you suppose Id likely see him and his getting home late? Well, I said, youd see him as irresponsible. Okay, good, said Kate. How else? Youd think hes a troublemaker. And disrespectful, added Bud. Yes, agreed Kate. Then, pointing to the board, she asked, Is it okay if I erase this blame diagram, Bud? Sure. Bud sat down and Kate walked to the board. She drew a summary of what wed said. Okay, she said, putting some finishing touches on the drawing. So here we have it$.$ Lets think about this situation. If Im in the box and see Bryan as an irresponsible and disrespectful troublemaker, what sorts of things do you suppose I might do$?$ Well I began. Youd probably discipline him pretty severely, Bud interjected. I nodded and added, And you might start criticizing him a lot. Okay, good, Kate said, adding to the drawing. Anything else? Youd probably start hovering over his shoulder to make sure he was staying out of trouble, I said. She added that to the drawing and stepped to the side. Now lets suppose Bryan betrays himselfthat hes in the box toward me$.$ If hes in the box toward me$,$ how do you suppose he might see me and my disciplining, criticizing, and hovering over his shoulder? Hed probably see you as dictatorial, I said. Or maybe unloving. And nosey, Bud added. Okay, dictatorial, unloving, and nosey, she repeated as she added to the drawing. Good, she said. Now look what we have. If Bryans in the box and seeing me as an unloving, nosey dictator, do you suppose hell want to be home earlier or later? Oh$,$ later, I said. Far later. In fact, Bud offered, hell be less likely to do anything the way youd like him to do it$.$ Yes, Kate agreed, drawing another arrow from Bryans box to her own. So around and around we go$,$ she said, adding still more arrows between the boxes. Think of it: We provoke each other to do more of what we say we dont like about the other! Yeah, think about it$,$ Tom, said Bud. If you were to ask Kate in this situation what she wanted more than anything else in the whole world, what do you suppose she would tell you? That she wanted Bryan to be more responsible, less trouble, and so on$.$ Precisely. But whats the effect of what Kate does in the box? Does she invite more of what she says she wants? I looked at the diagram. No$.$ In fact, it looks like she invites more of what she says she doesnt want. Thats right, Bud agreed. She invites Bryan to do more of the very behavior that she says she hates. This comment got me thinking about Todd, who frequently did things I didnt want him to do$.$ I looked at the diagram again. On the one hand, Kates role in this seemed crazy, as it looked like she was actually inciting more of the very behavior that she was complaining about. But on the other hand, what was she supposed to do$?$ Just let her son get home late? But isnt Kate just doing what any parent would do in this situation? I asked. Sometimes you have to correct or punish children to get them to do what they need to do$,$ dont you? And do you suppose my being in the box invited Bryan to get home earlier? Kate responded. Well, no$,$ I said, but Criticism is hard enough to receive even from someone who is out of the box, isnt it$?$ Kate interjected. But from someone whos in the boxwhat are the chances of receiving that well? I see. Probably not too good. And when do you think my discipline would be more appropriate to the circumstances and therefore more effective? she asked. When Im in the box, inflating others faults, or when Im out of the box and seeing them clearly? I nodded. When youre out. So you see, Tom, from within the box I end up undermining the effectiveness of everything I doeven if discipline in this case, for