Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Improving a Poorly Crafted Memo The following memo is poorly designed and formatted.
Question:
Analyzing a Writing Scenario: Improving a Poorly Crafted Memo
The following memo is poorly designed and formatted. In addition, it contains awkward wording and typographical errors, and it does not address a sensitive issue as thoughtfully as it could. Analyze the structure and wording of this document, considering how each could be improved.
DATE: February 26, 2016
TO: Employees of Stealth Technologies
FROM: Barbara Long, HR
Subject: Computers and the Internet
It’s come to our attention that some people are making too much personal use of their cell phones and the Internet during regular office hours. We don’t want to prevent you from important contacts with your spouse/partner or children during the day or to curtail all personal use of the Internet, but some supervisors and staff have reported excessive distractions by some employees. We need to refocus on our professional obligations to the important work of Stealth Technologies, so here are new guidelines: First, whenever possible employees should limit there personal phone use to the lunch and break periods.
Only emergency situations — for example a child’s illness at school or a need to change transportation arrangements with a spouse — should lead to personal phone calls or text messages or tweets. If you do have an emergency situation, alert your supervisor as quickly as possible. Second the office Internet connections should not be used during work hours for online shopping or other personal explorations. Do this on your own time. Anyone who does not exercise reasonable restraint in his or her cell phone and Internet use will receive a warning from their supervisor. Subsequent misuse of office time will be subject to provisions ST431–ST433 in the Personnel Manual. We hope that these reminders don’t seem to stringent to any of you and we trust that everyone will want to cooperate.
Applying What You’ve Learned
Using what you have learned about style, format, and writing conventions in this chapter, work through the following activity, which asks you to apply your knowledge of proper design, formatting, and conventions for business documents in order to revise a poorly crafted piece of business writing.
Application 4-A Revise a Poorly Crafted Memo
Revise the previous memo based on the guidelines in this chapter and on the following suggestions:
Can you correct the inconsistent formatting that introduces the memo, provide a full title for Ms. Long, and devise a more explicit subject line?
Can you make the tone of the memo more collegial, more likely to obtain the cooperation of valued colleagues?
Can you improve the awkward phrasing in several parts of the memo and correct any typos and grammatical and punctuation errors?
Can you break up this single block of text by using subheadings or bulleted entries, or both, that will make the memo easier to follow?
Smith and Roberson Business Law
ISBN: 978-0538473637
15th Edition
Authors: Richard A. Mann, Barry S. Roberts