Transitional Expressions: Add a transitional expression to improve the flow of ideas (coherence).

1. We tailor our service efforts specifically to individual customer needs. We have seen the volume at our plants grow. Our profitability has increased. We expect even better results in the future.

2. No business can anticipate every customers needs. We keep our hotel management staff on duty 24 hours a day. Customers always have someone of authority available.

Using Pronouns: Rewrite the following sentences to show correct pronoun usage

1. Each of the sales representatives went their own way.

2. Los Angeles, as well as San Francisco, has their own advantages.

Opening Fillers: Rewrite the following sentences to remove the opening fillers.

1. It is our considered opinion that you should not attempt to advance or proceed with this project.

2. There are many words that can be eliminated through a revision that is carefully executed.

Redundancies: Rewrite the following sentences leaving out the redundant words and correct one pronoun problem.

1. Those who are functioning as vendors may not have a complete and full understanding of our difficulty.

2. Our first and foremost priority is to remember the importance of service.

Compound Prepositions: Revise the following sentences replacing the wordy prepositional phrases with a single word.

1. Due to the fact that the statement seemed wrong, I sent a check in the amount of $200.

2. Congratulations on the occasion of your promotion.

Oxford Comma: Put a comma after all items in a compound list including the last one with the and.

1. The CEO meets once a week with assistant vice presidents managers and supervisors.

2. Our company has a number of different departments including accounting and finance marketing product development and management information systems and supply chain management.

That vs. Which: That introduces a restrictive clause. The information is essential and must be included.

Which introduces a nonrestrictive clause. The information is not essential and could be omitted.

1. Cory works in a modern air-conditioned office that/which is a nice place to be on a warm humid day.

2. As a rule, only one person can locate hard-to-find bargains that/which no one else knows about except Clare.

Parallelism: Rewrite the following sentences to achieve parallel construction.

EXAMPLE: XYZ Corporation Stock Increased

• Profits Increased
• Expenses Decrease
• Expanding Markets

XYZ Corporation Stock Increased:

• Profits Increased
• Expenses Decreased
• Markets Expanded

1. Your goal should be to write business messages that are concise, clear, and written with courteousness.

2. As a successful entrepreneur, I wrote a business plan and cash flow was analyzed, as well as designed promotional materials and was responsible for marketing of the business.