Document for Analysis: Poorly Written Response The following letter suffers from a number of weaknesses discussed in this chapter.

Your Task.
Study the letter and analyze its faults. In teams or in a class discussion, list at least five specific weaknesses. Then, revise to avoid long lead-ins, fillers, redundancies, wordy compound prepositions, verbs converted to nouns, trite expressions, and general wordiness. Revise at a computer or on paper using standard proofreading marks.
Current date
Ms. Dara Greene
Spector Telecom Center
6250 West Central Texas Expressway
Killeen, TX 76549
Dear Ms. Greene:
I am writing to thank you for your interest in employee leasing through Enterprise Staffing Services. Small businesses like yours can, at this point in time, enjoy powerful personnel tools previously available only to firms that were larger.
The employee leasing concept allows you to outsource personnel duties so that you can focus on the basic fundamentals of running your business. There are many administrative burdens that you can reduce such as monthly payroll, quarterly taxes, and records related to personnel matters. There is also expert guidance available in the areas of human resources, compliance, and matters of a safety nature. In view of the fact that we have extensive experience, your employer liability can be reduced by a significant degree. You can be assured that the undersigned, as well as our entire staff, will assemble together a plan that will save you time and money as well as protect you from employee hassles and employer liability. Whether or not you offer no benefits or a full benefits package, Enterprise Staffing Services can make an analysis of your needs and help you return back to the basics of running your business and improvement in profits. Please allow me to call you to arrange a time to meet and talk about your specific needs.
Cordially,