146 Communicating for Results Create Constructive, Inclusive, and Reader-Oriented Messages 8. Being Positive. Revise the following sentences to 10. Being Polito. Revise the following sentences to create a positive impression make them courteous. Sample: Because you failed to provide us Sample: You had bottor get moving on that with your postal code, we could not draft proposal send you the estate-planning pack Revision: Please begin work on the draft pro- ago you requested posal as soon as possible Revision: Please tell us your postal code so a) If you honestly expect me to meet the that we may send you your state- planning package November 21 deadline, I need the latest sales figures and I need them now. Can you at least a) We never fail to offer our GI investors the hand them over? most highly competitive rates. b) We have far better things to do here at Apex b) In your e-mail to our customer service depart- Industries than speak with customers who ment, you allege that our Dependability-Plus could easily find the same information on our model printer is defective website. c) Aren't you being unreasonable in asking for Have the decency to let me know how the your vacation at this time of year? meeting went d) It is categorically impossible for us to obtain d) Since you're the team leader, motivating team model A311, which is no longer in production. members is your problem, not mine. Only model A3 12 is available. 2. Stressing Reader Benefits and Relevance. Revise 1. Using inclusive Language. Revise the following the following sentences so that they reflect the sentences so that they are bias-free, gender reader's viewpoint. neutral, and non-discriminatory. Sample: We charge our guests only $175 por Sample: John is the best disabled IT special- ist we've ever had. person for one night's ciccommo dation at our deluxe resort, a full Revision: John is one of the bost IT specialists spa treatment, and dinner at our we've ever had award-winning restaurant a) The suspension of mandatory retirement Revision: For only $175 (per person), you can means that old folks can stay in their jobs as enjoy a night's accommodation at long as they like our deluxe resort a full spa treat- b) Jennifer suffers from bouts of clinical depres- ment and dinner at our award- sion, but she still gave a great presentation winning restaurant yesterday a) I will allow you to take your vacation during c) All executives and their wives are invited to the last two weeks of August, our annual Christmas party. Every executive b) We are currently seeking individuals to be part will have his choice of seating arrangement of our highly focused and dedicated team. d) Our director is committed to improving ser We are pleased to announce a new rewards vice provision for Aboriginal Canadians. Our program that guarantees discounts on future new program also has options for Inuit people and the Mtis. purchases. d) I am endosing Form C92, which must be com- pleted before we can reimburse you for your educational expenses