Helping a New Hire Re$-$write a Memo So She Looks Smart $($Revising Messages$)$

You are in the communications department of Chipotle. You have been asked to help Angie Davis, a recently hired food expert who is the new product manager, to revise a memo she has written. You know that the CEO has asked managers to come up with new ideas for menu items. Angie is knowledgeable about food trends and is ready to respond to those trends by creating some new items for the menu. She knows she was hired to help Chipotle maintain its market share while finding ways to attract new customers by offering what the new, younger customers want.

Angie has written a draft of a memo, which is a short version of a longer report she will soon present to management. She$$s great with food but isn$$t skilled at communicating $-$ and it shows. Angie is smart enough, however, to ask the communications department to take a look at her memo before submitting it to management. To give the management confidence in Angie, the head of corporate communication has revised the first two paragraphs of her memo but has to catch a plane and asks you to revise the rest of it$.$ He tells you that $$she$$s right on target but the memo loses its main points in wordy sentences and poor paragraph construction.$$

Revise the last four or five paragraphs of Angie$$s memo for conciseness, clarity and readability. Would bulleted or numbered lists help? Using what you learned in Ch$.6,$ re$-$type the entire memo $($including the two already corrected paragraphs as is$)$ in final form. Revise wordy paragraphs, delete unnecessary words and prepositional phrases, correct errors, and convert buried verbs. Review your book and lecture notes to understand the $$buried verb$$ problem. Her memo is filled with buried verbs and unnecessary words. Fix that. Also, consider using bullets and numbering to make it shorter and easier to read.

Don$$t use Word$$s editing tracking function to show the corrections you will make to the last four paragraphs. Address the memo to Sam Ells, CEO, Chipotle Mexican Grill, Inc. Use Angie$$s name at the top of the memo heading, and date it on the due date of the assignment, then add your name as $$submitted by$$ at the very top with your usual required heading. Single space the memo headings with $1\mathrm{.}0$ line spacing. Use $1\mathrm{.}5$ line spacing in the body. Don$$t exceed two pages in any case. $11-$point font, Calibri typeface, margins per the syllabus. Don$$t let MS Word force an indent more than $0\mathrm{.}8$ unless appropriate for bullets or numbers. Don$$t let the MS Word header function cause you to lose your top margin requirement. Print your paper before submitting, measure your margins, and look at your header to assure it looks single$-$spaced.

Here$$s how to present Angie$$s partially edited draft of the memo with your edits, noting you are sending it to Angie, not Steve Ells, and Angie will then send the body in a memo to Ells:$<($do not re$-$type this sentence$)$

$[$Start with single$-$spaced $($click $$remove space after paragraph$)$ & $1\mathrm{.}0$ line spacing$]$:

Submitted by: $($your full name$),$ BCom $3330-00$xx $($class and add your section number$)$

Date due: $($put in the due date including year$)$

Date submitted: $($put in the date you are submitting your final version$)$

Assignment $5,$ re$-$writing a new hire$$s memo so she looks good to the boss

$($line space$)$

To: Angie Davis

From: $($your name$)$

Today$$s date

Re: Suggested revisions to your memo to Mr$.$ Ells

$($line space$)$

To: Sam Ells, CEO, Chipotle Mexican Grill

From: Angie Davis, Food Product Manager

Date: $($put in the due date again$)$

Subject: Innovation in Menu Items to Follow Current Food Trends

$($line space:$-$ shift to $1\mathrm{.}5$ line spacing$)$

Here is what Angie wrote, with the first two paragraphs already edited $($you begin retyping with this portion$)$:

As requested, I am submitting the following ideas based on my observation and research on eating trends in fast$-$food restaurants. Below is a rough outline of possible concepts to expand Chipotle$$s menu, reflecting current eating trends. This memo summarizes the findings from my longer report to be presented at your next management Council meeting.

I will focus on new menu items that are fresher, more sophisticated and locally grown. I am aware that these items must also meet Chipotle$$s strict organic criteria and must offer high$-$quality flavor, portability, and ease of production. In a recovering economy, our restaurant should offer value as well as great food. From my experience as a chef and from current reading and research, I have observed numerous eating trends.

Taking a Look at Trends in Fast$-$Food Eating Preferences$<<($This is where you start your re$-$write$)$

As you probably know, Mexican cuisine is increasingly popular from coast to coast, but today$$s customers $$ especially millennials $$ want much more intense flavors. With locally sourced ingredients. There are four trends that are most approp