Question: I need your help in revising this e-mail msg and it needs a radical rewrite to improve its effectiveness. This e-mail has numerous writing faults such as dangling modifiers, overuse of the passive voice, and fragments. Thanks

Here is the e-mail message:

To : Tyler.Long

From: Janice Rivera < jrivera@ 24hourgym.com>

Subject: Expanding your Workouts at 24 hours Gym

Cc:

BCc:

Dear Mr. Long,

24-hour gym here in Seattle was probably selected by you it is one of the top-rated gyms in the Northwest. Our principal goal has always been making your workouts productive. To continue to provide you with the best equipment and programs, your feedback is needed.

An outstanding program with quality equipment and excellent trainers has been provided by the 24-hour Gym. However, more individual attention could be given by us to our customers if our peak usage time could be extended. You have probably noticed that attendance at the gym increases from 4pm to 8pm. We wish it were possible to accommodate all our customer on their favorite equipment during those hours . Although we cannot stretch an hour. We would like to make better use of the time between 8pm to 11pm. if more members came later, the gym would have less crush from 4pm to 8pm.

To encourage you to stay later, security cameras for our parking area are being considered by my partner and me. Cameras for some inside facilities may also be added . This matter has been given considerable thought. Although 24 hour gym has never had an incident that endangered a member.

Please fill in the attached interactive question are. Which will give us instant feedback about scheduling your workouts. By completing this questionaire, your workouts and training sessions can be better planned so that you can enjoy exactly the equipment and trainers you prefer.

Cordially,