4.1 Radical Rewrite: Entitled Information Email----Negative Announcement.

Your Task. Analyze the following e-mail to be sent by the vice president of human resources to all managers. The message is wordy, inefficient, and disorganized and invites department managers to three interviewing sessions to select student interns. However, to be effective, this message desperately needs a radical rewrite.

Follow the following steps:

List at least five weaknesses AND evidence to support the weakness

Revise the message to avoid excessive wordiness and repetition

Condense this sloppy 14-sentence message into six (6) efficient sentences plus a listand still convey all the necessary information.

To: Management Staff

From: Nathan Weintraub

Subject: Interns

Staff:

As you may be aware, we have for the past year been considering changing our approach to interns. Your management council recently made a decision to offer compensation to the interns in our internship program because we learned that in two fields (computer science and information systems) interns are usually paid, which is the norm. However, we will be unable to offer any more than three internships.

In collaboration with our nearby college, we have narrowed the field to six excellent candidates. These six candidates will be interviewed. This is to inform you that you are required to attend three interviewing sessions for these student candidates. Your presence is needed at these sessions to help us avoid making poor selections.

You should mark your calendars for the following three times. We are scheduling the first set of interviews for April 5 to meet in the conference room. Please examine all the candidates rsums, which are attached, and send me your ranking lists.

The second interviewing session is scheduled for April 8 in Office 22 (the conference room was already scheduled). On April 11 we can finish up in the conference room. All of the meetings will start at 2 p.m. In view of the fact that your projects need fresh ideas and talented new team members, I should not have to urge you to attend and be well prepared.

Nathan Weintraub

Director, Human Resources