PART A: REVISION ASSIGNMENT

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SCENARIO

You

work at the Evergreen

Museum of Nature in Kelowna,

BC. Your role is Administrative

Assistant to the

Museum

Man

ager. You boss, Carly Rae-

Jepson, is the Chair of the Board of

Directors of the museum and is a close friend of your parents. She calls you into her office.

Jepsen says, Jake Gold

call

ed

in sick. He was in a serious car accident. I do not have my

Communications person in today. I am super busy. I need you to do this task for me

immediately. I need you to revise the passage below and make it sound

professional.

You say, Okay. Is there anything in particular you want me to do? Any format?

Jepsen

say, Improve the grammar. It does not have to be in the YOU viewpoint but not the I

viewpoint. No format. Just improve it as the Marketing depart

ment needs this today to publish

the annual reports.

You asks, Who is the audience?

Jepsen

says, Donors as they are our

external stakeholder

s. Very important group of people.

You say, Ok. When do you need it?

Jepsen

says, Two hours.

You say,

Ok. See you in two hours.

Jepsen

says,

Thank you!

INSTRUCTIONS

Revise the following passage

below

and follow the instructions that are mentioned in the above

scenario.

This passage has problems with

reader access

(organization, paragraphing, headings, lists,

etc.) as well as with

style

(style is too wordy and unclear),

tone

(lack of consideration for the

audience; professionalism), and

grammar (Subject/verb Agreement, pronouns, verb tense,

spelling, run on sentence, etc.) Remove any personal information. Make it sound

PROFESSIONAL.

Revise the excerpt below to address these weaknesses.

Write or type your revision on a separate piece of paper with your name and

student

number on it. Do not use this test sheet and write on it. You will get zero.

Do NOT summarize the scenario as this is NOT part of the instruction or part of the

revision assignment. If you do, you may get zero in your revision assignment.

The instructor cannot assist in interpretation of this assignment.

Watch your time!

REVISION

Message from Chair

Hey! I am so HA

PPY and

pleased present Evvvvergreen

Museum of Natures annual

reports by the 2019-

20 fiscal year.

This year the national museum of nature and whatever have again demonstrate her role

as a national leader, but importantly international contributor, to the increasingly

important field of collection-

based scientific research and I as demonstrated how Our

Museum inspires! Do you like the Vanc

ouver Canucks? The everyygreen

museum of

natures vision are to advancing understand and respect for nature by provide evidence-

based insight, inspiring somewhat visitor experiences, and real engagement with

natures

past, present. and future. IT was our hope, and indeed I is our mission, that

people so inspired will develop the understandings requiring to make and supporting

decision needed to ensure the sustainability of nature and your world.

With respect to natur

e, where is the world leading today but there are cause about

concern. Scientists predict an Artic Ocean free of summer sea ice away from 2050 or

sooner, with sea levels rising 20 cm or more

- enough to displace 400 million people by

2010 we are in the Anthropacene era and are bearing witness to my worlds 6

th

mass

extinction of species

it is happening right now

Do you like London Drugs or

Shoppers drug mart? with biodiversity declining at rates not seen for 65 million years.

This year, we heard headline news about insect Armageddon, (Oh no!) devastating

loss of insect life across the globe. No, Yes, Perhaps, Maybe across the globe but also

in our own backyards! Insects support higher level of species of fauna up the food web,

and support flora as poll

inators. this trend continues, questions abound of the

repercussions of a tipping point what will happen if and or when we, or my children,

reach it?

This does not sound like a path for a sustainable future. (I hope not!) If I am now leading

the wrong way, then I think we need to inspire ourselves and our leaders to find new

way. To find the right path forward, you needing to know the territory. And that is w

here

the Everygreeen

Museum of Nature helps.

Our scientists (Nice guys here) are experts in botany, earth, and marine biology,

mineralogy, palaeontology. Did you know that we have 50% females and single working

here! You not only actively explore and discover but they also interpret the evidence of

our collection so that we can understand what is, what was, what is changing in our

natural world so this is so so so so important in order to enable us to have the

knowledge to sustainable manage our natural future