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Your goals:

• To implement your business communication knowledge
• To practice giving feedback
• To apply your email composition skills

Scenario: You are an intern at a sales office. Your supervisor has asked you for feedback on an email he wants to send. Your assignment is to respond to the email below (on p. 3) with remarks that enable revising, editing, and proofreading. Unlike traditional reworking of documents, being asked to proofread or to edit in the workplace should take into consideration your audiences needs, your relationship to this person, and how to get improvements made effectively.

Assignment Goal: A successful response will provide strategic and actionable feedback, and will address the major errors professionally.

In addition to proofreading for grammar when or if appropriate, look for ways to improve organization, brevity, clarity, and overall content.

Reply to the email but place your reply in a Word document or similar file type.

Format: This should be in an email format. Include all basic parts (to, from, subject line, body, and signature block).

You will upload (in one document):

1. A reply to your boss in email format
2. Revision suggestions to her document

page 3:

Is key gaming maybe okay???? Golf is networking and networking is sales. What happened to clear 10minute breaks? Could phone lock up work instead? I could text you an hourly no shopping or gaming goal reminder. Should we have phone breaks like our old secretary June used to take her ridiculous smoke breaks before she quit? Should we ban using the Internet on our work computers? Should email and our screens be private or should everyone be able to see everything? Can you use it for personal stuff like fantasy sports? what if we did a screen share where everyone's desktops appeared on one big monitor in the main area that way we could even help tag team on sales meetings. What if we stopped using the internet from 1-4 especially with appt set. This would be unconventional for a sales agent office specially on weekends since employees need the internet to enter things into the MLS etc post listing, but then they - the SALES Agents - could focus on doing the real work of working in sales. Hitting the streets. Making bucks. Closing. That's what matters. Also, with the new law in TX about texting & driving as we know since we saw Mick gets a ticket in the parking lot haha how you close that sale anyways, everyone needs to be extra careful about watching TIKTOK or playing WORDSWITHFRIENDS while driving so we all avoid getting tickets while driving around clients. Very awkward. You're not all as good as Mick. Suggestions? You're the young people who like the social so you tell me because this isn't really my problem as golf is networking and networking is sales like I said once and need to repeat. Get my drift. Maybe the office girl can put together all the comments. Since it's Friday afternoon and many of you left because it's 6 pm then just get me back all these comments by 10 am Saturday before I head to the lake on my NEWWWW boat - Let's keep focused on our sales goals.

Let me know ASAP about the new policy unless you have nothing useful to add. I wasn't happy with the feedback on the breakroom policy last time I sent an email to get everyone's thoughts and hopes although the sales goals were met, so. FROM Tim McArthurton