Document for Analysis: Weak Persuasive Memo Flowing Upward

Your Task.
Analyze the following memo, which suffers from many writing faults. List its weaknesses. If your instructor directs, revise the letter.
DATE: Current
TO: Candace Daly, Vice President, Marketing
FROM: Robert Forsythe, Exhibit Manager
SUBJECT: Trade Booth
Trade shows are a great way for us to meet customers and sell our Life Fitness equipment. But instead of expanding our visits to these trade shows, we continue to cut back the number that we attend. And we send fewer staff members. I know that you’ve been asking us to find ways to reduce costs, but perhaps we are not going about it right. With increased airfares and hotel charges, my staff has tried to find ways to live within our very tight budget. Yet, we are being asked to find other ways to reduce our costs. I’m currently thinking ahead to the big Las Vegas trade show coming up in September. One area where we could make a change is in the gift that we give away. In the past we have presented booth visitors with a nine-color T-shirt that is silk screened and gorgeous. But it comes at a cost of $15 for each and every one of these beauties from a top-name designer. To save money, I suggest that we try a $4 T-shirt made in China, which is reasonably presentable. It’s got our name on it, and, after all, folks just use these shirts for workouts. Who cares if it is a fancy silk-screened T-shirt or a functional Chinese one that has “Life Fitness” plastered on the chest? Since we give away 2,000 T-shirts at our largest show, we could save big bucks by dumping the designer shirt. But we have to act quickly. I’ve enclosed a cheap one for you to see. Let me know what you think.