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Real Communication An Introduction 2nd Edition Dan O'Hair, Mary Wiemann - Solutions
2. For an interesting look at conflict and debate, you need not search further than the U.S. Congress. Debates on the floor of the Senate and House of Representatives are broadcast on C-SPAN and provide an interesting glimpse into the way that conflict and argument shape new laws and policy. In
1. The engagement in and resolution of interpersonal conflict are often key factors in romantic comedies (like Life As We Know It and When Harry Met Sally), as well as in buddy-driven action films (such as Shanghai Noon and The Other Guys). Try watching such a film, and pay attention to the way in
Have you ever opted for separation as a way to end a conflict—with a friend, a romantic partner, or a roommate? Was it difficult for you to separate? Are there some relationships for which separation would never be an option?
C What do you think of Steve mentioning another girl? Would it affect you differently if Ellen were just a friend, and not your sister?
B What outcomes are possible here? Can you provide advice to help them stay together?Should you?
A You know that both Ellen and Steve rely on you as a friend (and in Ellen’s case, as family).How can you maintain your relationships with both of them even as their relationship with each other is falling apart? Is it fair of them to involve you at all?
Think of a person with whom you have recently had a disagreement who isn’t willing to discuss the situation with you. What might be causing this reluctance?And which technique might best help you draw the person into discussion about your conflict?
Are there certain people with whom you engage in more challenging strategies than others? Do you engage in conflict with strangers more or less than you do with people who are important to you?
C Does self-policing work on the Internet? What circumstances might inhibit a group’s ability to selfpolice?
B Which is more important, a free-speech open forum or a managed, productive conflict? Do you think it’s necessary to trade off one for the other?
A Do you participate in Internet forums? Do you prefer moderated or open forums? What makes you prefer one over the other?
Consider a recent conflict.What channel did you select to communicate with the other person? How did the communication channel affect the quality of the exchange? Did the channel you chose lead to a productive conflict or an unproductive one? Why?
Do you see yourself as more of a feminine or masculine individual? In what ways have gender differences influenced the conflicts you’ve experienced with people whose gender is different from yours?
4 What is your reaction to the information on Amish forgiveness in light of what we learned about Amish shunning earlier in the chapter?
3 The Amish forgive those involved in conflict with them because of their deeply held religious beliefs. Are there other reasons for forgiveness that can be useful in a conflict?
2 How do the reactions of these Amish survivors differ from those expressed by Americans after the Virginia Tech shootings?What about after 9/11?
1 Is forgiving those who do harm an acceptable outcome for a conflict of this magnitude? Did the reaction of the Amish to their children’s killer and to his family effectively resolve the conflict, or was it rather a way of managing it?
Think of an attitude you have about conflict that is making it difficult for you to talk productively about disagreements with someone in your life. For example, do you believe that discussing conflict will destroy your relationship? What steps might you take to begin letting go of this
What kinds of behaviors provoke you the most?Are there times when you provoke conflict with others, perhaps even on purpose?
Have you ever let a small conflict grow into a bigger one simply because you avoided engaging in conflict management? On the other hand, are there times when avoiding conflict is more productive than trying to address it?
Compare levels of resolution in conflict outcomes?
Evaluate and employ strategies for managing conflict in different situations
Explain the forces that influence how people handle conflict
Identify conflict triggers in yourself and others
Describe the factors that lead to productive conflict
Strategies for Managing Conflict Conflict Outcomes?
Factors Affecting Conflict
Understanding Conflict Conflict Triggers
4. In small groups in your class, discuss how popular culture and films portray interpersonal relationships, considering specifically relationship stages. Discuss communication techniques that the characters might have used to produce different relationship outcomes. Analyze how accurately the
3. As a new romantic relationship begins, keep a journal of the communication events that occur. In this journal, indicate the stage you perceive the relationship to be in (based on the stages in this chapter). List key communication events that increase or decrease attachment in the relationship.
2. Consider a romantic relationship that has ended. Using the stages outlined in this chapter, create a time line of the relationship. Include significant communication episodes that encouraged the relationship to move into another stage as well as any stages that may have been skipped. Reflect on
1. List one family relationship, one friendship, and one romantic relationship in which you are or have been involved. For each of these relationships, list at least five self-disclosures you made to those individuals, and describe how each revelation advanced relational intimacy. Now list at least
Have you ever been able to restore a relationship that you thought was irreparably damaged? Have you ever ended a relationship but secretly believed that you would repair it at some point in the future?
C Construct a conversation that allows for relationship repair(based on the decision that you make regarding your independence). What might that conversation be like? What communication skills could you use? How will you ensure that the conversation is ethical?
B In light of the information you have gleaned from this chapter, how would you prepare to have a conversation about repairing the relationship no matter which decision you make? What repair tactics could you consider using?
A Can you put yourself in your father’s position and empathize with him? What are your responsibilities here as an ethical listener?
What topics do you consider strictly off-limits? Are there some topics you are willing to discuss with some people but not with others? How do you inform others of your unwillingness to discuss these topics?
Do you post any personal information on social networking sites? What kind of information are you willing to reveal? What kind of information do you consider too private to share in mediated contexts?
3 Do you think there are topics that people feel more comfortable talking about when sharing a glass of wine with a family member or meeting a friend at a pub? How might your answers be influenced by the culture you come from?
B Drinking on the job is frowned on in corporate America. But at workrelated lunches and dinners, businesspeople often run up considerable bar tabs. Why might alcohol be encouraged in one setting but discouraged in the other?
A The Qur’an forbids the consumption of alcohol.Does the absence affect communication between non-Muslim drinkers and Muslim nondrinkers?
Consider your relationship with your oldest friend or with a close family member.Evaluate the ways in which dialectical tensions have manifested themselves in that relationship over the years. Have these tensions shifted over time? Is there one particular tension that continues to crop up?
Consider someone with whom you share a very close relationship. In what ways are you similar to this person? Are those similarities what attracted you in the first place?
Do you rely on different relational partners for companionship, stimulation, or goal achievement? Do you have some relationships that provide all three functions?
Do you have any relationships that exist strictly online? Do you consider these relationships different from other ones in your life? Are they more intimate or less?
If you were reading another person’s profile as a prospective partner, how carefully would you critique it?
C If you were to create a profile for yourself on a dating site, how carefully would you construct it?
B What are the risks and rewards of self-disclosing through mediated communication versus face to face? Do the risks and rewards change as the relationship develops?
A How are romantic texts, e-mails, and posts different from the celebrated love letters of the Victorian era? How are they the same? Do they shape romantic relationships in different ways?
Stages of a Relationship?
Self-Disclosure and Interpersonal Relationships?
Why We Form Relationships Managing Relationship Dynamics?
Types of Interpersonal Relationships?
5. Keep a log of how you “listen” with technology. Is it easier—or more difficult—for you to select, attend, remember, understand, and respond? Compare your experiences with friends. Do some of your friends or family prefer the technology or do they value face-to-face listening more?
4. Practice listening styles that are less familiar to you. Some people don’t paraphrase well; others are uncomfortable being person-centered. The best way to try this out is to look back at the chapter and think about the discussions that made you feel uncomfortable (“I could never do
3. As you become a more critical listener, inquire about inconsistencies when you observe them in conversation. For example, if your friend offers you verbal and nonverbal messages that contradict each other, let him or her know. Be careful to avoid being defensive here. Instead of saying,
2. Practice listening with your eyes as discussed in this chapter. When you go to your next class, observe your instructor or whoever is speaking. Form an overall impression of the speaker from nonverbal cues such as body movements, eye behavior, and tone of voice. What emotions do they suggest? Do
1. Describe a time when you listened well. How do you know you listened well?Where were you? Who were you with? What were your goals? Did you adapt your listening to the situational, cultural, or relational context? What can you learn from this successful listening experience to guide you in future
3 What kinds of unethical listening behaviors might be at work here? Are you avoiding? Is Jamie ambushing?
B What are Jamie’s ethical responsibilities here? Has your friend been listening to you? Should Jamie have been able to sense your sensitivity about the situation from the way you’ve responded?
A Should you tell Jamie the truth? Is it ethical to hide your true feelings from a friend? What might happen if you just say,“I’m embarrassed to say that I’m feeling a bit jealous. I’m feeling bummed about my own love life, and I miss having you as my similarly single friend”?
3 Does it bother you when people attend to other things—checking e-mail, Web surfing, and such—when you are speaking to them?
2 Do you ever listen to music while you study?How carefully are you really listening to it? Is it just background noise that you actually tune out?
A What kinds of activities do you know distract you and affect your ability to listen? Are there any tasks that you feel you can do without affecting your listening?
4 What kind of meaning might be lost if a poem born in ASL were to be translated into written form? Can a nonsigner truly appreciate the performance of a signed poem?
C What kinds of mediated communication do both hearing and deaf people share? Can individuals use them to overcome communication barriers between hearing and deaf people?
B If you are able to hear, does it strike you as surprising that in Deaf culture, you might be labeled as deficient in the realm of nonverbal communication?How might this influence how you view your own communication skills?
A How can hearing people become better listeners when they communicate with deaf people?How can deaf people improve their listening skills in the hearing world?
We know that manners are culturally bound (rude behavior in one culture may be acceptable behavior in another). Taking into account your culture and co-cultures (including age, gender, and so on), do you find multitasking behaviors—such as updating Twitter while a friend is talking—to be rude
Can you think of a time when poor listening cost you something? Have you ever missed test instructions? Missed meeting a friend or a team practice? Do you think these lapses reflect the value (or lack of value) you placed on these events?
Whom do you call when you have exciting news or when you’re feeling down? What makes this person a good listener? Are you a good listener in return when this person calls you?
Consider the examples of listening styles we’ve given here. Do you favor a particular listening style? Are you able to adopt different styles in different situations?
what is Listening in Context?
why we face Listening Challenges?
Why We Listen?
How We Listen?
5. Play with text-to-speech features on your computer. Compare the way the machine reads a passage of text to the way you would read it. Do you have a choice of voices to choose from, and is there one you prefer? Would you rather listen to an audiobook performance by a noted actor, or a
4. Try smiling (genuinely) more than you usually do—and with people you might not usually smile at. See what happens. Do you feel differently about yourself and others? Do others respond with more smiles of their own? (A group of thirty of our students tried this one day and reported back that
3. Observe the nonverbal behaviors of people leaving or greeting one another at an airport or a train station. Do you think you can tell the relationship they have from their nonverbal behaviors? Describe the variety of behaviors you observe, and categorize them according to the codes and functions
2. Shake up your clothing and artifacts today. Wear something completely out of character for you, and consider how people react. If you normally dress very casually, try wearing a suit, or if you’re normally quite put together, try going out wearing sweatpants, sneakers, or a T-shirt; if
1. Record a new episode of your favorite scripted television show. Try watching it with the sound turned all the way down (and closed captions turned off ). Can you guess what’s going on in terms of plot? How about in terms of what the characters are feeling? Now watch it again with the sound on.
3 Would it be more ethical to present yourself as you are and use your verbal communication skills to show the interviewer that you’re qualified, competent, and right for this job? Might this render your clothing and artifacts less important?
2 Should you just buy the conservative suit for your interview and kiss the tongue ring good-bye? Is it ethical to present an image that works for the job, even if it’s incongruous with the way you see yourself?
A Does the piercing even matter? What type of message does the tongue stud send?
3 The company that created Tactical Iraqi is considering a civilian version of the game. Would it be useful to engage different cultures in the United States in virtual reality play? How might its technological format affect its usefulness for various co-cultures (age, education, socioeconomic
2 Why is establishing competent communication so important for soldiers in Iraq? Do you think such training would have been more or less important for soldiers in Europe during World War II?
A Do you think soldiers can learn communication skills from a video game?Do you think this method of training would be more or less effective than classroom instruction?
Have you ever taken an online or distance-learning course? Were you happy with the instruction and the amount of interaction? It is challenging to both present and respond nonverbally in courses offered online.What are the most effective ways to do this, based on your experience?
Are you repelled by touches from strangers? What about touches from people who are not your age (children or the elderly)? What about being touched by a colleague or a professor—someone you have a professional relationship with? Does it depend on the situation?Explain your answer.
4 Is this more of an issue in high schools and middle schools than in elementary schools? What would you do if your college or university suddenly adopted a uniform policy?
C Do you believe that uniforms reduce stereotyping by class and status in society? Explain your answer.
B When you were in high school, what styles did you wear, and what did these clothing items communicate about you?If you now have or have had teen children, what do or did they seem to be communicating about themselves?
A What other items, besides clothing, nonverbally communicate information about a high school student?
How do you feel about making eye contact with others (fellow classmates or your professor) when speaking in the classroom?With strangers when you lock eyes in the grocery store or on an elevator?When interacting with people who have higher status (such as a hiring manager or boss)?
When you attempt to deceive others (as when telling a friend you like her new boyfriend when you don’t), are you aware of your nonverbal messages? Do you tend to alter your tone of voice or change your eye contact? What types of nonverbal indications do you look for in others in order to figure
Imagine that you are listening to a friend tell a long story in a face-to-face setting. How might you regulate the interaction to show that you’re listening or that you’d like to interject a comment? Would these actions change if the conversation were taking place via instant messaging or in a
Have you ever experienced(or been responsible for) a failed attempt at sarcasm or teasing via a text message or social network posting? What, in your opinion, caused this communication breakdown? How might it have been avoided?
Have you ever ignored what someone said because the person’s nonverbal behavior seemed to contradict the verbal message? Were you able to determine if the nonverbal communication was accurate?
Influences on Nonverbal Communication?
Nonverbal Communication Codes
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